Not many people want to take advice from a fat, exhausted, balding woman
I have much to thank you for… The things I want to thank you for aren’t usually viewed as good skills to have. However, since it is all I have, I am learning to be appreciative.
Thank you for making me the “brave” one of my friends who tries every hair color in an effort to find one that will cover my bald spots. Thank you for making me look like a professional model who knows exactly what smile to wear when I hear the fake reassurances of my friends that the thinning hair is “hardly noticeable,” and the color is “awesome.” Yeah. Thanks.
Maybe I should thank you for making me an expert in makeup and push up bras? Yes, I encourage you to check out my cleavage! I’m far more comfortable with that than the absence of hair that causes looks of concern and disgust. (Who knew that balding was so socially unacceptable? No wonder men are desperate for a solution!)
Thank you for making me the best actress around. When I feel like crap, but MUST go/work/smile/move, I have learned how to hide my exhaustion and pain and get it over with. My academy award nomination will be here any day now.
Thank you for taking the fear of death from me. Not only by showing me the path to deaths door, but also for making me unafraid to enter it, because frankly, sometimes death would be a welcome respite from the exhaustion and façade that has become my life. After a hard workout with the trainer or on the elliptical, I stare right into the depths of hell for the 2 day recovery time. I am no longer afraid. I have resigned myself to this feeling.
Despite my tremendous memory problems, you have given me the gift of quick thinking. Some may call it lying, but I like to call it quick thinking-no hurt feelings-gentle excuse- white lies.
Debi: “Hi! Dad and I are going for a Hike later today! Come join us!”
Me: “Oh! Darn! I would love to, but I have a meeting at Gavin’s school.”
Why do I do this? I am still embarrassed and ashamed to admit my feelings of exhaustion. No one would ever understand! They think I’m lazy or a hypochondriac. If another person/friend/doctor/relative tells me, “Oh it would do you good to get some exercise, it will energize you!” I’m gonna go postal.
Isn’t it funny how sheer exhaustion can bring you to tears? Or a trunk full of groceries that need to be brought in and put away? Or a Dalmatian that needs a walk?
Brandon: “Mom, have you been crying?”
Me: “No, my allergies are horrific today.”
Again thyroid, thank you for making me the ambassador of white lies, or as I like to call it, “friendly excuses.”
Oh, my darling Thyroid, thank you for all the suspicious looks and doubtful assurances I get to share with my doctor.
Dr. K: “Your numbers are still very low…Are you sure you’re taking your meds at the same time EVERY day?”
Me: “Yes, religiously. I have an alarm set for 8 am.”
Dr. K: “And you’re sure you can swallow ok? It is larger than ever this time.”
Me: “Yes, it only hurts if I turn my head and smile.”
Dr. K: “Are you taking your iodine?”
Me: “No! It makes me horribly ill and incapacitated for days on end.”
Dr. K: (staring into my eyes, as if to see if I’m telling the truth) “That is not related. Keep taking it. You will get over the side effects once your levels get up.”
Me: “It is related. It causes horrible joint pain and headaches unlike any I have ever experienced.”
Dr. K: Looks of annoyance and impatience followed by a deep sigh.
(Side note: My thyroid tumor/goiter has wrapped around my vocal cords and I will permanently lose my voice upon removal. Because I am a teacher, this is quite a problem. So until the cells become full on cancerous, or I find a non speaking job, the thyroid will remain.)
Thank you for making me feel like a medical professional, darling thyroid. (And knowing more than my own doctor much of the time.) After all the research I have performed in absolute desperation for help or answers, I have become somewhat of an expert in the ways of fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, Chronic fatigue syndrome, Wilsons syndrome, Adrenal Fatigue, Cortisol, T4,T3, Hormones, Endocrine systems, carpal tunnel syndrome, plantar fasciitis; the list goes on and on. I am also a self-declared expert on supplements and vitamins and homeopathy, thanks to you, dear thyroid. Ask me anything! And yet, despite my expertise, not many people want to take advice from a fat, exhausted, balding woman. To the stock holders of those companies, you’re welcome.
Thank you for letting me be the one person in America who is relieved to be unemployed. My family sees the eternal optimist. I see the woman who is so exhausted by 2 pm that I can barely function. Every afternoon as I crawl into bed for a nap, I am silently thanking the universe for hearing my cries and putting off any job offers until I can function.
Thank you for making me an expert on cell phone apps! I have a large selection of alarm apps, list making apps, appointment apps, etc., all because my mind can’t remember much of anything except to breathe.
My mother always said that I was fluent in sarcasm. I guess this letter proves that! And so, a final thank you thyroid. For making my mother right (yet again!) and for letting me find strength within myself and my ever increasing knowledge of my body and my mind. I will think of it as the gift of appreciation and health! (That, by the way, is NOT sarcastic. I really mean it!)
Tags: balding in women, Dear Thyroid letters by patients, hair loss and weight gain due to thyroid disease, lying to friends and family about how you feel, managing medication side effects, pretending to feel great for others, thyroid blog, Thyroid letters, thyroid literary support, thyroid support, thyroid symptoms, thyroid tumors wrapped around vocal chord