Life Through Lipstick Lenses: Moody
Moody- A beautiful dark berry colored lipstain
The other day I ran into a friend at the mall who I haven’t seen in awhile. As we spoke in hushed tones about my recent repeat cancer diagnosis and what the future may entail, the lady behind the counter came out from behind and hugged me (obviously eavesdropping). I started bawling. Just a few seconds before, I felt fine and strong enough to share my story with my friend. After regaining composure I told the lady that I was there to pick a new lipstick shade for fall (yes, fall colors are out!) and she replied, “Wow, your lips are beautiful.” Then she leaned in and whispered. “Are they real?” I immediately burst out laughing. I can honestly say that I have never in my life been asked that question about my big lips. When did I become this emotional freak? One minute I’m strong, the next I’m weeping, then, given enough time (about 30 seconds), I’m laughing hysterically. Is that what being sick or in my case living with cancer does to you? How are we supposed to act or respond? I’m not sure there’s a right or wrong. People are constantly calling cancer warriors strong and courageous, but what choice do we have? We cannot curl into a ball and hope it was a dream because it certainly is not!
I have become a different person since this journey started for me a few years ago. I am more emotional, I can’t help it. But I do look back at it all and think how crazy my life has been between cancer, no cancer, cancer again, surgery, radiation, losing my job, starting a job, writing a book….it’s almost ridiculous and laughable. Is there a proper way to act? Should we be comforting others because they feel bad for us? I have no answers, I just go with it. I cry when I need to cry and laugh when I need to laugh. Although it may happen at inappropriate times…well, too bad for those who happen to be around me. I think given the diagnosis, I can feel what I want because I am now an open book and I do feel. Don’t be afraid to feel, free yourself; and don’t feel you have to offer any explanations. Our society has become very guarded, I think if we can show and share emotions, then others can too, and how much deeper can our relationships get when they’re real?
I chose the color Moody because it explains how I feel sometimes; but is it the cancer or is it thyroid medication imbalance? Who knows, who cares… be real and enjoy yourselves!
written by Anna Warner
Tags: allowing yourself to feel, dealing with a thyroid cancer recurrence, emotions about cancer, life through lipstick lenses, living with thyroid cancer, sharing our emotions, thyroid cancer, Thyroid Cancer Survivor, written by Anna Warner