Singing the Blues to the Grave
I am sick of you, sick because of you and sick of waiting to see what new way you will bully me today.
A fever perhaps? Or random itching hives? Cracked lips? Not today, because I have HAD all of those symptoms once, so why bother with them again!! No, today, you are swollen all over and feel tender to the touch, distended and sticking out of my neck in the manner of a horny frog. Thanks. This is my favourite thing you have done so far.
If you are feeling sarcasm coming from this letter in waves, it covers the fact that I am frightened. I have never felt as ill as I have in the last few months and the blurry eyes, brain fog and all consuming rage seem to indicate something more sinister than Graves, even though I have worn the symptom sheet ragged from checking it so many times.
Plus, if it really is Graves, why do I have to be the ONLY person to gain an extra third on top of my original body weight? What’s up with that? At least if I was a size zero and feeling awful I could at least have some great outfits. But no, three stone and some serious bloating for me please!
I am a singer, Thyroid, and I am sure you can hear the rasp which has crept in, the thinning of tone. I know you can feel the aching when I practice. If I am afraid that you will take my singing voice there is literally no-one I can tell and I am sitting here with tears running down my face because if you take my voice from me I don’t know what will happen to me then. You already feel the need to humiliate me onstage- hey, check out the fat singer- so how long before you figure out how to do it offstage too?
Frankly, Thyroid, you suck. I am so pissed at you for doing this to me. I feel like shit and the medication so far is more expensive than effective. I want to be brave and tell you I will not be beaten by you. But this doesn’t feel like a fight I will win, more like a thyroid dictatorship. How dare you ruin everything I have worked for? I can’t be a fat singer with a shit voice. I can’t be a musician who has to go to bed at eight. Life doesn’t work in that way.
I can’t write any more this is too depressing and if I don’t lock down all those feelings now I will end up having a nervous breakdown. But Thyroid? If you had any conception of how bitter I am about the fact that you have ruined my twenties you would do the decent thing and stop tormenting me.
Tags: Graves blog, graves causing swollen thyroid, graves depression, Graves disease letters, Graves forum, graves impacting singers careers, graves literary support, Graves rage, graves' affecting young adults, graves' disease, Graves' support, overwhelming symptoms of graves disease