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Monday July 15th 2019


Dear Thyroid Depression, You Suck and I Hate You

Post Published: 13 September 2011
Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 6 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

Today a college friend posted on Facebook about being on antidepressants.  I never knew that she had a malfunctioning brain that gave her bad moods, so I sent her a note saying “I hear you.  I understand.”  Anyway, hers started as a postpartum depression, whereas mine seems to have started at birth.  I explained it was a problem for me up until about 2000, after which is has mostly gone away.

That’s when I realized “That’s also the time of onset of my thyroid disease…”  Could it be?  Dare I ask the question?  Could it be that thyroid disease has made me too tired and cranky to be unhappy?


Chicken:  **knocking at door**  “It’s the Chicken of Despair calling!”

Me:  “Aren’t you supposed to be the Bluebird of Happiness?”

Chicken:  “No.  He quit on your loser ass a long time ago.”

Me:  “Go away!  I don’t have the energy to feel sad right now…. or anything.”

Chicken:  “But I have a regularly scheduled appointment!”

Me:  “I said, GO AWA— … Aw fuckit, I don’t give a shit one way or another as long as I get my rest.”  . . . . . .

Me:  “Who are you again?  What were we talking about?  I’m hungry.  Are you hungry?  I’ve got a bucket of KFC in the fridge.”

Chicken:  “Er….maybe… I should… come back later.”

Me:  “Wait!  It’s extra crispy!”  **rummaging in fridge**  “Ooh, mashed potatoes!!!”


So that’s how it is, huh, Mr. Thyroid?  Well, in that case… I’ll just… uh… cut you some slack and pretend this conversation never happened.

(**whispering**  Keep up the good work!)

Written by, Mike

(BIO) @mind_static Mike believes that if you can’t laugh at your misery, that’s just sad.  (And currently an overmedicated insomniac writing witty letters to his internal organs.)

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6 Responses to “Dear Thyroid Depression, You Suck and I Hate You”

  1. Kelly says:

    One month I’m fine, and then out of nowhere I want to strangle a chicken or break my fist against the wall. I stopped taking my head meds in the last month, but I’ve done it before and always come crawling back to them. I cry and only hope that it will be better someday…3 years later and here I am. Fuck this day! Fuck this disease and (someday’s) fuck this life. The next one’s gotta be better than this. Best wishes to you Mike and all those who are crazy b/c of their thyroid (or lack there of). Other factors play in my life, but I just wonder, could I handle this shit better if I just had all my freakin organs??? Guess I’ll never know.

  2. Marie says:

    Hi Mike I understand I am sending my Poem.

    Dear Thyroid
    You have change my life you have turn everything upside-down
    I try to get rid of you but you keep on coming back. Now I have to live with you. When are you going to leave me a lone
    You do not let me sleep and hypo . What I am I going do with you?
    I Wish you would leave me alone go a way!
    Marie Trujillo

  3. Denise says:

    Dear Thyroid
    After having Hashi’s for years I am just now beginning to realize that “it” is the reason for my blue moods. I hate this! I beat myself up about who I am and how I am perceived and as a result am losing my self esteem which I worked so hard at building all my life. I’m grateful for these thyroid sites because otherwise I’d think I was losing my mind!!! How do you explain yourself to your family without sounding like you’re really pathetic. How do you keep yourself from feeling like you are pathetic. I just want me back!

  4. Joyce Ann says:

    lol, The Chicken of Despair…


    Yeah, this thyroid crap sucks the big wazoo….

    /makes plans to trap the Chicken of Despair and make coq au vin…..

  5. mike5816 says:

    I must admit I did not make up the Chicken of Despair myself. It came from Gary Larson and his “The Far Side” cartoon strip back in the 1990s. (Gotta love that stuff!)

    Do you remember as a kid when your classmates would make fun of you on the playground for whatever reason? Do you remember how powerless it made you feel? This is why I truly believe that if you can make fun of your disease, to get a laugh from it, it will become powerless over you. Your body may still ache, but your mind will feel much better. In the end, we’re nothing but what goes on in our minds.

    One day, after many years, I ran out of anger at my thyroid. I’d used it up; there was no more. So I resorted to wisecracks to get me through, and discovered I was on to something… I encourage anyone to give it a try!

  6. Kelly says:

    I love the “The Far Side”. Maybe I need to do that with everything in life. Nothing is ever really a sure thing, so fuck it and laugh it all away. Crying and screaming just makes it harder to deal with. I guess laughing is really the best medicine 🙂

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