Sorry doesn’t live here anymore
There I was, thinking about the next thing in my life I would have to “Kindly” drop from my schedule, because of you. How many is it now? I’ve lost count. Missed play dates, missed meetings, and dropped group positions, uncooked family meals…
“Sorry, I just can’t make it this week.”
“Sorry, I just can’t not commit this time around.”
“Sorry, we are late!”
“Sorry, I missed the meeting!”
And the one I hate the most: “Sorry, mommy is not feeling well enough….”
I must sound like a tiresome broken record to everyone I know. I hate the word now (almost as much as I hate you). Well, I tell you what…sorry doesn’t live here anymore!!! I am striking the word from my vocabulary.
For friends and family that are tired of hearing my [insert now stricken word] excuses they can now just hear nothing. No calls, no emails, nothing to let them know how terrible I feel physically and that you have prevented me from a life with them.
The blame should be put on the actual culprit. It’s not my fault I can no longer volunteer, or some days, barely make it out bed. It’s not my fault I look irresponsible and unreliable for the past 2 years!
It your fault, thyroid, that you don’t like to respond to any of the medications I’ve tried. You have not responded to diet change, the many, many, supplements, multiple doctors, and complete life adjustments. Nothing. I am still at point A, when I would really like to be at point B, right now. 9 out of 10 days is filled with exhaustion and pain, because of you.
This is my life now. I am a type A personality forced into a body that doesn’t operate properly. I use to be young, active, vibrant and full of love for others. Not more than 3 years ago, I was a different person, that helped lead a group of mothers of preschoolers, I attended church and was involved in that church, I worked as a volunteer for my husband’s military command. My children were involved in their community and I took them outside literally every day to play. Now, the pain I experience every day is a deal breaker in my life. Excuses have taken the place of what used to be my life. You have broken my life.
I can’t change what you have done at this point, but I will no longer let the “s-word” rule my life, so this is it, this is the last apology anyone will escape my lips. In the future I will direct people to this letter as to why I cannot make it to “said” event or why my child missed his soccer or skiing and why I had to reschedule and then cancel. Then they will know you are to blame…
I might be better off without you,
(Bio): I have had symptoms of hypothyroidism for close to 15 years. I was not formally diagnosed with Hashimotos until 2009 when I started having severe exhaustion and hypo symptoms with a vengeance. I have been at an optimal dosage for 8 months but still feel like I did most days, when I was diagnosed in 09. I have 2 children and outside of homeschooling my son, I usually don’t have the energy or enough hard core pain relievers to be pain free to be able to be active. I am a military spouse and live in beautiful Alaska.
Tags: apologizing for everything, life changes after thyroid disease and cancer, patients not responding to thyroid treatments, thyroid disease's impact on relationships with family and friends, thyroid's attack on self esteem, thyroid's impact on life