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Chronic Snarkopolist: Allowed to Have a Good Day!

Post Published: 21 October 2011
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Category: Chronic Autoimmune Conditions, Chronic Snarkopolist, Column
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Hello my loves!

I once told a doctor, “I’m allowed to have a good day.” And I meant it. We all are.

Not only are we allowed to have horrific terrible times, but we are allowed to have FABULOUS days as well. And when we have terrible days we need support and love. When we have great days we need to be celebrated and recognized. Getting through the rough stuff to have good days is just as big of a deal.

A mutual friend and I were discussing our past. She said, “I deserved a pass.” I agreed. We all do. When we are having the worst times of our lives, we deserve a pass. But our culture is such that it doesn’t deal well with illness or the consequences of it. And so it is on us as patients to reach out afterwards and clean up our own messes that happen. Relationships go south. People have limits and boundaries and their own emotional reactions to us. Sometimes people go away. And sometimes people remain in our lives. Meanwhile, we all deserve a pass when we are trudging through the worst of it. We need to be supportive and sustaining and gentle with each other and with ourselves.

And when we are feeling good we need to remember we are allowed to have good days. I keep forgetting this. I keep forgetting that I am ALLOWED to have good days. I am allowed to have good weeks. I am allowed to have a GOOD YEAR! I am allowed to take off my “just trudging through life” blinders and LIVE. I am allowed to stop worrying about jinxing things by having hope and HAVE GOOD DAYS AND ACCEPT IT.

When it gets rough, I live my life. Day by day. When it gets good, I keep living it. Day by day. This is how it goes. This is how we all do it.

Once when a dear friend had a low blood sugar from diabetes I had to give him honey to help him. When he got regulated he looked up and said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “You don’t need to apologize to me for what your body did. It is OK. I am here for you.” I was angry inside that he felt the need to apologize to me. I felt angry for all of us who are always apologizing to others. Apologizing for our bad days and our good ones. Apologizing for having NEEDS. Feeling ashamed of our medications or our medical needs.

Then, somewhere along the way I forgot that I don’t have to apologize either. I’m allowed to accept love and tenderness and kindness as well. I am allowed to have needs. And I am allowed to have a GOOD DAY TOO!

What do you think? Do you feel more guilty when you are having a rough day or when you are having a good day? Do you feel guilty taking time for yourself? Has being chronically ill become a habit so that you feel that your friends “expect” you to be sick or low around them? Or do you feel like you need to put on a show and have no needs at all and caretake for everyone else? Do you apologize for your needs? Do you pretend them away? Do you ignore them? When you show signs of not being super human and actually need to be helped do you feel guilty? Are you allowed to have a good day? Please tell me. I must know!

I will see you same time next week! Kiss kiss!

-Melissa

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