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I’m Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Post Published: 02 November 2011
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 5 responses. Leave a comment

Right now I feel sick, I’m sweating up a storm, my shoulders feel like someone hit them with a two by four, the goiter on my neck feels hard and makes me cough, and my head throbs.

I’ve been laying in bed, just laying in pain, I have no energy to move, no appetite to eat, no motivation to even sleep. The pain is intense and I feel so powerless against my illness. Its like being in a car and desperately wanting to control the car so you don’t crash, but there’s heavy rain on the road and your hitting your breaks doing everything you can, but no matter what you do it won’t stop. The wheels are slipping, sliding straight at the other car.

SMACK.

There’s pain, there’s smoke, there’s people hurt, everyone’s effected now…

I find this illness to be very similar to a car crash, cause it’s out of control, it’s out of my hands. I try to fight past it pushing harder and harder on those imaginary breaks as though I could stop my illness from effecting everything. But there it goes again smacking everything in my life. I feel the pain the most, the electric sharp pains that shock my body and pulsate through my ribs.

I’m exhausted.

I feel foggy.

I feel helpless.

I feel as though I’m coming to, yet everyone just stares at me. I miss classes I desperately want to attend. The teachers don’t understand, some may even be frustrated with all of it, and I see the fractures in the relationship, like in the glass of the car thats been hit hard.

I stay in bed for days in too much debilitating pain. The only energy left in my tired body is spent getting up and pushing through the dizziness to get to the pills that are the best the doctors can prescribe when they don’t have the answers.

All week I’ve worked harder then most students, struggling through this foggy mind of mine trying to push through and find research for an essay thats due soon.

I make my husband and I miss events because I’m too sick to go out. Why does it hurt, they always ask me, and over and over, I just want to be sarcastic, but in all seriousness I give the answer the doctors give me, I don’t know, but I’m Sorry. I’m always sorry.

Written by,

Elysia VanVeen

ElysiaB.blogspot.com

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5 Responses to “I’m Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired”

  1. Missy says:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. I know the tired feeling, fractured friendships. Search for answers, find other Drs. do whatever you have to, to feel better. Don’t take the “this is how it is” from Drs. be your own advocate and fight! I know how hard it is to do when your just plain exhausted 🙁 Know there are plenty of us out there fighting the same fight.

  2. Cate says:

    I could have written this. Please don’t be sorry for your pain, but have compassion for your humanity. The guilt can be even more toxic than the illness, or its treatment. After walking this cold, dark road for a long time, I’ve learned that being “selfish,” and trusting my instincts brings the most warmth and light.

  3. jeannie says:

    The tiredness is so exhausting. I too am trying to study and get scared that i’m not going to be able to make the deadlines. The pains you describe sound like Fibromylitis. Know that you are not alone or unheard and that everyone who struggles with this illness sympathises and sends you love, jeannie

  4. Diana Gambee says:

    Elysia,
    I am so sorry you’re going through this horrible roller coaster of life . Like all of us we “FEEL FOR YOU!”We understand totally!! Now, if you want some info I would be willing to tell you “All” that I know. From 6 years of research with Hashimotos , 3 goiters One Parathyroid tumor removed and a full hysterectomy. I am 43 with 2 kids and a loving Husband who has helped me cope with my constant battle. I have a million symptoms that come and go and at times I Honestly feel like I would rather Die. But , you HAVE to be strong and find the next best Treatment for you…….. If you have support at home , at least one understanding Doctor. You can start your or restart your search for healing. I have to say that my summers are pretty good. Due to the fact that Vit D helps so much !!! That is another test you should have.If you havent already… I am slowly coming out of a vit d deficancy. Its really amazing how important that little sunny Vitamin is !!! 🙂 Keep your chin up!! Were here for ya! Please e-mail me if you think I could be of some help for you!!! take Care~ 🙂

  5. Linda Edwards says:

    {{hugs}}

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