I’m Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
Right now I feel sick, I’m sweating up a storm, my shoulders feel like someone hit them with a two by four, the goiter on my neck feels hard and makes me cough, and my head throbs.
I’ve been laying in bed, just laying in pain, I have no energy to move, no appetite to eat, no motivation to even sleep. The pain is intense and I feel so powerless against my illness. Its like being in a car and desperately wanting to control the car so you don’t crash, but there’s heavy rain on the road and your hitting your breaks doing everything you can, but no matter what you do it won’t stop. The wheels are slipping, sliding straight at the other car.
There’s pain, there’s smoke, there’s people hurt, everyone’s effected now…
I find this illness to be very similar to a car crash, cause it’s out of control, it’s out of my hands. I try to fight past it pushing harder and harder on those imaginary breaks as though I could stop my illness from effecting everything. But there it goes again smacking everything in my life. I feel the pain the most, the electric sharp pains that shock my body and pulsate through my ribs.
I feel foggy.
I feel helpless.
I feel as though I’m coming to, yet everyone just stares at me. I miss classes I desperately want to attend. The teachers don’t understand, some may even be frustrated with all of it, and I see the fractures in the relationship, like in the glass of the car thats been hit hard.
I stay in bed for days in too much debilitating pain. The only energy left in my tired body is spent getting up and pushing through the dizziness to get to the pills that are the best the doctors can prescribe when they don’t have the answers.
All week I’ve worked harder then most students, struggling through this foggy mind of mine trying to push through and find research for an essay thats due soon.
I make my husband and I miss events because I’m too sick to go out. Why does it hurt, they always ask me, and over and over, I just want to be sarcastic, but in all seriousness I give the answer the doctors give me, I don’t know, but I’m Sorry. I’m always sorry.
Tags: apologizing for feeling sick, doctors unable to explain sickness, feeling foggy exhausted and in pain, invisible illness, letters about thyroid patient symptoms, sick and tired of being sick, symptoms discussion, symptoms management, Thyroid patient letters, thyroid patient support