Relationship that went SOUR!!!!
You know, I seriously thought I was done with your ass! I turn around and here we go again. I gave birth to my son and it seems like things are getting worse not better. My Calcium, Magnesium and Vitamin D are out of control. I really thought that life would get easier once you were removed, but like any relationship that goes sour; you have a way of reminding me that you were once a major part of my life. I just want to erase you all together, like the good saying goes: “Out of sight out of mind.” Yeah right!
Seven months later, and the most precious gift that you have given me still are my two miracles, my rare gems…My babies. They are what motivate me EVERYDAY to keep moving forward. The storm can only get worse, before it gets better. I hope they are right, I seriously feel like I’ve been riding this damn storm out for 22 years. My husband tells me to stay off of Google, WebMD and etc, yet I cannot help it. I need to know what I got myself into; I have to self educate myself, know my options, and know my future. You’re probably wondering what the reason for this letter is, but I felt like I had to vent.
I’m sitting in this cold room, in a chair, IV running into my vein. I look up and cannot even pronounce the damn Chemotherapy medicine that they are putting into me Doxorubicin and Cisplatin. I’m sitting here thinking, here we go. I wonder what the side effects of these drugs will be. Will I lose my hair, weight, nausea…Gosh, who knows? I think of my husband and realize I’m so blessed with him. I seriously hope I make it through this, so I can renew my wedding vows with him. I feel like my marriage still has so many good years ahead of us. I want to laugh more with him, learn more and enjoy many more intimate moments with him. Why will you take me away from the love of my life, my soul mate and my best friend? The one person, who never judges me, just lets me be the person that I am and supports me 100%.
What about my kids? I wonder, will I be here when my daughter needs me the most? For her dance recitals, graduations, shopping for her prom dress, her first heart break to wipe her tears and let her know she deserves better, that she a queen, to watch her grow from a girl to a lady and into a stunning woman. I know that she so independent, caring and blessed with a heart of gold. I know that if I was to be taken from this world, the 3 years that we spent and had to together, I have influenced her enough to have great morals and values. To know that she is unique, her beauty is divine and that with a great education, wisdom and knowledge she can conquer the world! What about Emmanuel Jr.? He only 3 months, we barely had a chance to start our journey together. I’m just starting to enjoy him, his sideways smile, him starting to crack up at my silly faces and yet I have so much more to teach him! I know his father will do a great job teaching him how to be a gentleman, how to treat woman and to also be a stunning handsome, well educated man. Yet, I want to be there for all these wonderful moments too.
Okay, Mr. Thyroid, you basically left me with a scar. But guess what, I will take them. You will not get the best of me in this relationship. You were just copper and I love the platinum lifestyle. So I’m going to leave that copper lifestyle right where it ended at Yale Hospital. I decided that the medicine, chemotherapy and anything else these doctors throw my way will soon help me turn my life into a platinum lifestyle. So this relationship might have went sour, but guess what, I have a better relationship with my family. So do not think that you won once again….Because, Mr. Thyroid, I’m a D.I.V.A and I’m going to fight this fight like a DIVA!
Monique N. Serrano