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Dear Thyroid, I Am Begging You!
Dear Thyroid,
Please let me heal!
Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I am too tired to hate you. Sometimes we get along just fine. I know you like to run low, and I can cope with that. I can even cope when you spike high. I can get through it, I know it will get better.
When I go to the doctor, I know that I will have to fight for my health. I know that—even though I feel terrible—have to fight to get the right tests run. I know that my doctor will probably fire me. They will run the TSH test and then not know what to do, so they will send me away. After eight years, I can cope when you make doctors run.
But I never thought you would do this to me.
You know that I was sexually abused as a child. You know that we have been in years of therapy together, me and youI. You know that I am healthier than I ever thought I could be after such trauma. But now the stress is high. You are acting strange. It made the flashbacks worse. It was hard to function, so it was time to go back to therapy.
I told my new therapist about you on the first day. About how hard it was to deal with you and the trauma at the same time. I told her how hard it is to keep you happy. She didn’t know. After our first session, she read about you. It scared her. She ran.
My rape therapist fired me today, and it is your fault.
I don’t get to run from you or my trauma. Unlike my therapist, my friends, my boyfriend, I don’t get to leave when it gets hard. I hate that. I hate that I am so afraid that everyone will leave…because of you, because of the trauma. And I hate when it actually happens.
I can handle everything else, but PLEASE….. I need you to stop getting in the way. I need to heal. I can handle everything else, but not this.
By, Amber
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, letters written by thyroid patients, support for thyroid patients, thyroid autoimmune support, thyroid community, thyroid literary healing, thyroid literary support, Thyroid patient letters, thyroid support
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13 Responses to “Dear Thyroid, I Am Begging You!”
Leave a Reply to Laura
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You are a strong woman. I wish that you have the continued strength to fight for your life.
Amber,
Maybe your rape therapist felt she couldn’t help you and that another therapist would be a better fit. This is actually a good thing. This person is trying to make sure you get the help you need. She’s acknowledging her limitations as a therapist.
Try not to see this as a rejection of you, your trauma, and your thyroid.
Regardless of her reasons, you should move on and find a therapist who is a better fit for you.
I wish you peace and strength in this journey.
beautiful note, Laura. I agree with you. I do wish her therapist would have handled it better.
Amanda,
I went to a therapist on Monday and was told he could not help me either. He told me I have too many things going on. He took my cash though, and not having insurance I think that might have been part of it. He asked if my levels have been checked for my thyroid. I have had trauma also, and he said he didn’t want to minimize it, but it seems like my anxiety is from more than the trauma. How can he have known all the answers in 40 minutes. He spent the last 15 minutes of the session making me cry telling me he just doesn’t know what to tell me. I need to find someone else.
Well, I wrote him an email and told him what I think of him. I am so sorry you had to go through this and I hope you find someone that will help you! I am looking for someone else as well. //
Good luck and be well.
Amber…your story brought tears to my eyes…what a strong person you are to deal with so much…just being able to share your story says that you are healing…I wish you all the strength in the world to keep fighting…you are a survivor…and the fact that the therapist could not help you is a Blessing in disguise…better to have found out now than invest time and hope and precious energy only to find out later…may you find peace and continued strength…all my best…(:
Sadly, we can now add another section of the health care comminuty to the list of people we go to for help and fail us miserably. I have personal experience with the mental health system. The Dr. I have seen for nearly 10 did NOT know that T4 needs to be converted to T3. He knows now, because I told him, but…WOW! Sorry to hear this happened to you Amber.
Amber,
As far as the other folks in your life are concerned, I hear you there. I have a lot less friends than I did before my thyroid went all wonky and a lot of my family didn’t know what to do with the differences in me either, but I will say this, the people who are in my life now are the ones who will keep being there, they are the ones who get it and me. No more wasted time with folks who don’t have the empathy or maturity to be there through the bad times along with the good times. You deserve those people, not the ones that are going to turn tail and run. There will always be those people in life (the scared ones), cherish the ones who are sticking around because those are the ones that really matter.
As far as your therapists go, don’t give up, none of this is a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on what your therapist’s limitations are. It sounds like he/she could’ve handled it a lot better than he/she did, but please, please don’t let this affect how you see yourself. It’s really common for therapists to refer people to other folks when they don’t have the skills needed to help. Maybe he/she thought it would make more sense for you to see someone who has medical knowledge along with psych knowledge so that they would have an easier time helping you tell the difference between anxiety due to your thyroid vs. the anxiety due to the things you’ve gone through in life.
Take care over there, you’re not alone in all of this.
Ruth,
Yeah the medical field doesn’t know what to do with us and I’m sure we confuse a lot of shrinks too due to the medical and psychological sides of our thyroid problems but I think it’s important not to throw all doctors or shrinks into the “they will fail us” category.
I have had horrible experiences with medical doctors due to my thyroid (and my fibromyalgia too) but if I had simply decided that because the folks I had seen sucked and that all doctors were going to fail me because of it, I never would have found good doctors and I never would have gotten help…including even getting diagnosed. I would still be driving past the store because of my thyroid spaciness, I still wouldn’t be able to wear normal shoes because my feet were so swollen due to my thyroid, I would still feel anxious each time I ended up around lots of people, I’d still have trouble just getting off of the couch to wash dishes…etc.
Yeah the medical field needs to get a lot better when dealing with us, a lot better. But when you respond to people’s letters please think about what you’re saying, I know it’s easy to start bashing but think about how what you say is going to affect others. Us thyroid sufferers need more hope NOT more to be scared of.
OMW!!! I am just starting my second year after thyroid cancer treatment. I am sitting here crying reading Amber’s blog and all the responses. I just told my endo of all my symptoms and his MA gave me his message ‘he didn’t think it was a thyroid issue and I should see my primary”. Ugh I am so tired, easily irritated, easily brought to tears, isolate myself, have no energy for anything, and just want to curl into bed and sleep for days. I keep retaining water. I get so swollen all the time my feet just hurt!!! I am so bothered that I can’t remember anything anymore. I am so out of it. Why do I feel hypo when I should feel hyper? I am so thankful and grateful for everyone for sharing. If you all feel the same way then I am not crazy. It’s not in my head.
Thank you everyone.
Amber,
You are a strong woman. Do not give up fight for your life.
Geez! The suffering is incredible! I’ve suffered with thyroid-based anxiety also; therapists were not the way to go. Though many are suffering, main stream medicine has not realized something is causing this epidemic (Dr. Mark Starr gave a figure of 59M sufferers in U.S. alone). Here in HI we have the highest thyroid cancer statistics in the nation, believed to be caused by volcanic sulphur dioxide. Read Dr. John C. Lowe’s website it may give some remedies you may find useful. He found that he needed to take way over the dose that conventional doctors prescribed before his brain would calm down. He saved a lot of lives with his consultations, but unfortunately died this past year due to a head injury. His wife still sells their thyroid product, which may help you and others.
Dear Amber,
My first thought was Amber Alert!!
Seriously, ALL of these individuals who are practicing medicine on us need to go back to 101 College!
I just for the life of me can’t understand why anyone who studies a science could miss the whole course of the GLANDS!
I guess it was boring…..and too difficult to learn. Besides the fact that medicine has become a business like any other and its all about the money for most and not the whole way people used to get into this area because “they cared and wanted to help”!!!
Also consider the very understanding of illness that has no cure! It would be like doing a puzzle that you already knew many pieces were missing and then so what is the point~ one will never know the end…..sad for a
DR. who is gratifed only by WINNING and FIXING!*
Read that again *
What do we know?
We know that many in the field of “therapy” are NOT DR.S!
We also know that many well educated Dr.s are not completely well versed on Automunine issues.
We also know that much needs to be studied and learned about these compicated issues. Hairline degrees that can make us or break us!
And so as with any illness, some people do not fall thru the cracks and do find “the treatments thus far” work for them….and bless that success.
But then we who do fall then loose our credibility because “we” don’t “fix” 123!
So I say to you Amber, don’t give up. “we” know who you are. And we believe in you.
Maybe you will learn of a better Dr.to help you. I believe they still are out there but are rare.
Hopefully that will change, we must think positively about this conclusion. We have come a long way however slowly……with love of wellness, Linda
Amber,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I too have thyroid disease and suffered from abuse. When these two things combine it can be difficult to see how you can just get through each day. But you are not alone. Try to find a good doctor. I found one through a thyroid forum and he’s helped me more than any doctor previously. And if you can, find a support group in your area. At the very least you’ll have some people you can talk to. I recently joined a mental health support group and it helped me to talk and listen. To realize I’m not alone.
Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you.