How Cute are you, Thyroid, Thinking you Won?!
You’ve waged a war!
Where do I begin! I knew little of you through my early teens but had heard you were used as an excuse for being fat. I now know you are not an excuse. You certainly had a lot more to teach me when you revealed yourself during my first bought of depression at the age of 17. No longer could I complete my exercise regimes, maintain a somewhat ‘normal’ appearance to others, or even go through a day without a feeling like my body had aged 40 years in just a few months.
You took me to my very peek of desperation, and only through my own research did I get my doctor to order the blood tests to sniff you out. “You have Hashimoto’s Disease”. What was this strange sounding disease? I have a disease? I soon learned what was happening to me; that my body had failed me and decided to attack itself- was I asking for it? Having thought about hurting myself so many times, mentally abusing myself so many times…did I do this to myself?
Whatever the reason, I was stuck with you and your disease. I now know more about you than any doctor I have met. Since being diagnosed, 4 years have gone by and they have been a constant struggle. Neglected by friends who couldn’t understand why I would overheat and pass out in clubs or not have enough energy to hang out. An embarrassment to my family who thought I was making a big deal of nothing. Disgusted by my own body who I could no longer control, growing bigger and bigger. Feeling older and older. Alone and lonely and stuck with you.
You invited your friends to the party of destruction. First came Pernicious Anemia with whom you shared an autoimmune link and the reason I’m even more sluggish, forgetful and having those horrendously painful B12 injections every 3 months. Then came the acid reflex ruining my days, but held at bay by yet more tablets. My migraines seemed to worsen, at times causing me to black out and convulse, and now a constant pain in my head. And then came the latest and at times greatest pains in my life, Endometriosis and Vestibulodynia. Constant pain, unsuccessful treatments and terrible side effects. The cyst in my brain, the hypermobility syndrome, the tremors and TMJ have become the smallest of my ailments! At the age of 21, I am a physical and mental wreck unable to live a day normally or even have sex with my loving partner. Now from head to toe I am in pain, gone wrong and fed up with being in this body.
I thought I was just an ill person…that this is my hand in life- to have conditions that are incurable, but that aren’t visible to everyone and make me just seem lazy or like a hypochondriac. Working all my young life to be successful as a Singer/Songwriter, only to have my abilities altered by the lump in my throat and the weight on my body. I wonder when the pills will seem to kick in…But having waited this long, I have little hope.
So, thank you thyroid. Thank you for hurting me, ruining my body, turning living into coping and bringing with you a spiral of bad health, negative thinking and low self esteem. But also, thank you for making me try harder, helping me see people for who they really are, for making me more understanding and finally, for making me a fighter who will regain control one day and will work so hard at being just as good as any other person.
By Kelly a.k.a AutoimmuneSongbird
BIO: Diagnosed with Hashimoto’s at 17, currently dealing with this and a number of other long term illnesses. Now 21 and wanting to regain control of my life and my health and not be ruled by my illnesses and my own negative thinking.
Tags: depression caused by thyroid disease, diagnosed with hashimoto's as a teenager, letters about thyroid disease written by thyroid patients, managing multiple autoimmune diseases, symptoms of thyroid disease, thyroid side-effects