Me vs the Cancer Monster
For the past 4 months, it’s been me vs. the cancer monster. And to this point, I have been able to keep the little monster in check. I mean, relatively speaking; of COURSE there are ups and downs, days that the cancer monster wins and days that I win. Although, I’d like to think that motivation and perseverance have kept me on the winners side most of the time.
But recently, this monster has gotten stronger and bigger than ever. I find myself struggling to beat it; struggling to keep control of my life. I feel like every day I surrender something else to this monster, whether it be something physical or emotional. There’s no energy left at the end of a day fighting with the cancer monster. So really, he just has to find my weak point (he’s pretty good at this) and everything comes shattering to the ground. And talk about kicking a girl when she’s down. Hands in the air.
The cancer monster doesn’t discriminate. He doesn’t care if you’re up, down, tired, awake; he’ll kick you hard. I could list all the things the cancer monster has taken away from me, but you know.
Of all things, I thought I could keep the cancer monster away from my motivation and my spunk- the things that REALLY matter to me. I’ll tell you, it’s getting damn hard. I’m a “silver lining” person, and I’m struggling to find the silver lining here. It was never my plan to give him any of this, and yet, he’s found sneaky ways to take whatever he wants.
As much as I try to explain the cancer monster to people in my life, I don’t think they completely understand the kinds of battles we endure. Nor do they really care. I mean, I don’t blame them- I just look like a more tired version of the person I used to be. I’m not vomiting, and I don’t have a fever or the sniffles. So I’m fine, right? …
But there’s something I want the cancer monster to know: I will win. Right now, I’m not sure how I’m going to win, but I have made it too far in this battle to give up. At this point, my options are to find a new solution or to surrender. And creating seems a lot more appealing to me than giving up!
Written by, Elyse