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Thyroid, You are Sucking the Life out of Me and I Don’t Know How Much More I Can Take

Post Published: 09 April 2012
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 13 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

I miss you. I don’t blame you for this hell I am in, I blame the mean ‘ol immune system that attacked you! I know you fought back and tried to defend me, I know because you would swelled up so that I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva at times, not to mention the shortness of breath even if I was sitting down and resting!

Boy, did we ever have ‘good’ times! How about the countless times that we would sleep and sleep and sleep? Usually on the 3rd day, my mother would finally wake me up (I haven’t figured out why she would let me lay in bed for 3 days yet, but that’s a horse of a different color!) Once I woke up, extremely dehydrated, the first ounce of water or sprite that hit my stomach would be rejected and threw up. Yes, fun times huh?

How about when I was first diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, then the nodules were found, then they grew, then came the biopsy which was inconclusive, which led to the doctor telling me that you had to go, which led to my husband of 2 years telling me that he doesn’t want a sick wife and leaving. I think that one was the best fun of all!

Oh yeah! We can’t go without mentioning trying to explain to people how I feel! There is absolutely nothing to compare it to, especially when I get foggy! Yes, I look like a complete fool, like I am making it all up so I can be lazy. Sure. I am totally making up being so cold right down in my bones, even in the summer time! And I am making up only having one bowel movement a month! OK… Sure. But really, I don’t know how to explain the ‘deflated’ feeling without sounding like a crazy loon. There is also the painful muscles and joints for no reason, and the huge, sore, acne all over my face and back and butt and arms! There are so many more symptoms too, AAARRG!!!

OK, I’ve calmed down now, but now I am having a foggy spell and going blank…

The bottom line is, Thyroid, I would give anything to have you back and working correctly again, the Synthroid seems to be the one that is lazy! I wish that, before you started being attacked by the immune system, I had not took for granted things like washing my hair and not be past the exhausted point, and regular bowel movements, and walking across the grocery store parking lot without that crazy painful, deflated feeling that I have to stop and rest before grabbing just a few groceries. I am 31 years old, you have been gone for 3 years now, and you fought the immune system a good 6 years.  The first 5 years, I had no idea you were being attacked, nor did several different doctors. My most recent GP told me twice that I am an adrenaline junkie! Well, I guess I am, I mean, HELLO! I HAVE NO THYROID!!! I wanted to ask her if she got her medical license out of a cracker jack box, I mean, come on, isn’t one of the most common symptoms, no energy! I gotta go smoke, be right back, sheesh!

Ok, is it normal to still get upset after all these years? I still have so much anger and sadness and confusion. I get the worst upset when I think about living like this for possibly 50 more years. I seriously can’t handle the thought of that. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t hurt myself for my daughter’s sake, but I do find myself envying people that die, and hoping that maybe I just won’t wake up the next morning. Sigh. I wonder if I had a friend or loved one that believed me, would I feel better about this whole thyroid issue? But I don’t have anybody that I feel believes me or even that will let me vent to them. I am lost and lonely.

Well, Thyroid, we should take a lovely walk down memory lane again sometime, this was sure fun!

 

Sincerely Deflated,

Mandy Davis (LuceyLocket)

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13 Responses to “Thyroid, You are Sucking the Life out of Me and I Don’t Know How Much More I Can Take”

  1. Janet groves says:

    I feel ike you have lived my life. Good wishes go out to you. Remember your not alone.

  2. Andrea says:

    I BELIEVE YOU!!!!

    Your story made me cry. It sucks (for a lack of a better word) to have your loved ones, friends, and doctors look at you like your crazy. I know your pain and sometimes you don’t want to look at the glass as half full. I know everyone on this site BELIEVES you. Keep up the fight sister!

  3. Carolyn says:

    While I am not having all the symptoms you are having, I do relate to most and I understand how you feel alone. I have even been “rejected” by my group because of this. I was not feeling well and had argument with someone there — tried to explain to them what was going on how I am not feeling well. Now, I feel like thyroid problems don’t get you on a wish list because it’s not like cancer — it’s not visible enough for others to see it. People just think you are nuts or just lazy. Anyway, going off on my own rant. I just wanted to thank you for the open letter. It makes me feel like I am not alone. Right now, things are going well, but I am mentally preparing myself for it to go downhill again, as I know it will with the stupid thyroid. I wish you the best.

  4. bribeautylessathyroid says:

    You are not alone!! I know it is hard but keep fighting!! I am sending good wishes to you 🙂

  5. Kelly says:

    Hang in there Mandy! After 4 years of battling hypothyroidism after my thyroid cancer, I try to tell myself I’m almost better. Unfortunately, my confidence can only work as well as my energy level.

    If only thyroid transplants existed. I think we would all be better off.

  6. Joyce says:

    Mandy, I’m so sorry for all that you have been through. And I completely understand that one of the hardest things about this stupid disease is having family and friends think you’re lazy and making it sound worse than it is. Long before I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s my ex-husband constantly accused me of being a hypochondriac, and it really hurts when somebody who is supposed to have your back turns on you.

    Anyway you may have heard this before, but people who have their thyroid removed often do better on T3/T4 combination meds. Synthroid is T4 only, so that’s just something to think about. Good luck, and stay strong!

  7. Janice says:

    I know how you feel. I sweat instead of being cold and I hate it. My thyroid is almost gone after years of being attacked there is only a small piece left. The fatigue is unbearable, mornings are horrible and no one understandsI Word retrieve sucks and I can no longer concentrate and focus easily. My eysite changes according to thyroid function making glasses impossible to wear on a daily basis. Ugh, I’m too disgusted to write the ret, you all know it anyway.

  8. Robin says:

    I so appreciate this letter to your thyroid. I miss mine too, and in my own letter I wrote about the experience in a similar way. My situation is different, I lost mine to thyroid cancer, but I relate to your doctor struggles and being abandoned by people who you hoped and wanted to be there for you while going through this stuff. You are definitely not alone in spirit, as we all share so many of these issues, but I know that’s not one of those things that always helps in the day-to-day of life. We have gratitude for the fact there are others who feel what we’re feeling, but when we have no one to console us in person, or pick our tired bones up off the couch and tell us it’s okay, it can still hurt like hell. But please know how strong you really are, hanging in as you have been and will be, because you’re worthy and you’re right — your poor little thyroid didn’t deserve its fate, but you are avenging it’s demise with every day you get up and do what you must and what you want to. You are surely teaching your daughter what courage is, with blistering humor I might ad, every day. Thank you for sharing your letter with all of us.

  9. Crystal says:

    I have been batteling my Thyroid for the 20 years. I have 4 kids. After delivering my last my thyroid has been out of wack. I have multiple nodules, and it’s extremely large yet I am neither hyper or hypo at this time. But I have all the symptoms of hypo. I am extremely fatigued, achy and depressed at times. I also have extreme hypoglycemia but my MD relates that to Pre-diabetes. Which I completely disagree with. I keep telling them that I feel something is wrong with my body but none of them will listen. Not sure what to do. I completely understand you pain. I wish for you to see easier days.

  10. Heather says:

    I believe every word you said!!!! Best of luck to you 🙂

  11. lu says:

    Oh how sad for you. My doctor decided to fix my hyper with radiation. Not that I and any symptoms except for a goitre. I have been on replacement medication for a few years now. I finally had to diagnose myself as being hypo after telling the dr all my symptoms. A few months back I increased the dose and i felt so much better. No more depression. Of course now, Dr says that I need to cut back. Well I have been holed up at home all weekend, crying and depressed. Looking for a way out of this misery.

  12. gravesgirl says:

    Your story made me cry. I feel like my problems are nothing now. At least I have my crappy thyroid as disfunctional as it is. I hope things get better for you.

  13. tiredofthisnow says:

    Dear Thyroid,
    You are not alone. I am hypothyroid and am too feeling the same way. Just the other day, I wished I were dead. I didn’t think I could go another day, yet the rest of my life feeling the way I do. No one who doesn’t have this disease understands. I too spend hours on the toilette, wanting,needing to go, but nothing. It is so frustrating. My brain fog makes me look incompetent at work, but how to explain this to anyone. I just know that I am trying all remedies and hopefully I will hit the right mix. Right now I am taking a diseccated pig thyroid and I am not feeling great. I have only been on it a week and am trying to balance out the right dosage. Prior to that, I was taking synthroid for 5 years and although it was okay, I felt it wasn’t working. I never felt any different on synthroid since I was diagnosed and continuously packed on the pounds, ached constantly thinking I had fibromyalgia or bone cancer. I feel due to the thyroid, I was not blessed with children. I think it wrecked my ovaries to the point where i couldn’t conceive. It is all coming together now, all my problems over the years and up until now. They are all related to the hypothyroid. Anyhow, like I said, you are not alone. Just keep trying to find the right dosage for you and hopefully with continued searching and discussion, you will get healthy and be able to enjoy life again. God Bless.

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