Thyroid Disease: Future Catalyst of the Zombie Apocalypse
Poor gal. You just weren’t cut out for this, were you? Unfortunately your skill set no longer fits with the requirements of the job, and we will have to supplement your workload with someone better equipped for the task. This letter serves as your final written warning.
While I think you may have secretly had issues as far back as our childhood together, you can be sure I was made aware of your mounting shortcomings over the last few years. You were given one job to do, Thyroid, (one job!) and you were failing me miserably:
– The girl who enjoyed staying active was now zoned out on the couch or napping in bed, zapped of all energy.
– She was waking up EXHAUSTED after a full night of sleep, struggling to make it to work on time.
– The girl with a love for words couldn’t recall them and often found her brain in a fog, stumbling to complete her thoughts.
– Her joints ached and her hair was coming out more than usual in the shower. She was constantly catching whatever cold or virus was going around.
– This Arizona girl was wearing jackets, blankets, and warm socks indoors in the middle of summer.
And then eventually, she was gone completely, and in her place you had left me… the zombie.
That was by far the worst consequence of your ineptitude, Thyroid: “Zombie Shea.” You put me into such a funk that nothing was important and no one mattered. I tried to hide it, at work especially; and while you tried your best to chug along through the day, you’d inevitably run out of juice leaving me drained and irritable and snapping at people for no reason. I also started crying a lot for no reason. Maybe it was because I missed the old me.
Much of that time is a complete blur in my memories, as if I went through it in a haze. I didn’t fully realize what your inabilities had turned me into until someone brought it to my attention. Realizing Zombie Shea was inadvertently pushing someone very important out of my life, it was finally clear that this was not normal. I was miserable. I wasn’t me, and I hadn’t been for a long time.
I took matters into my own hands; I saw doctors who tested only my TSH and told me I was fine, and I spent countless hours researching online. Eventually, I found a doctor who listened to me, and helped me find that you were the root cause of all of my problems.
It’s been a rough journey making up for your mistakes in this last year, Thyroid. I’ve learned a lot about TSH, Free T3, Free T4, Adrenals, the list goes on. My levels went up, down, and all around in 2013 trying to counteract your limitations. With my sister’s leukemia diagnosis, you were the last thing I wanted to be dealing with. But guess what? When you love someone, you drag your exhausted self out of bed, you stick by her side, and you do it all even if your Thyroid is letting you down.
Luckily we brought in an expert to pick up your slack. You remember Naturethroid and her team of vitamins and supplements, don’t you? Now there have been a few slip-ups along the way, sure – a zombie day here or there. It will never be completely perfect again. But with their help, we’re already covering so much of the ground you so frequently miss.
Again Thyroid, I appreciate what little you have been able to accomplish, truly I do; but consider this your final warning. If things don’t shape up around here, you can pretty much consider yourself replaced. And tell your friends to watch out too – I’ll be warning their bosses to keep a close eye on their performance.
PS. You probably don’t remember this because Naturethroid had started running the show at this point, but I helped my sister celebrate her complete remission last year too. J
Bio: Shea is the sister of a cancer warrior princess, daughter of a fellow thyroid martyr, and mom to two rescue pit bulls. She was diagnosed hypothyroid in 2012 and is determined to share her experience in the hope that it may help someone else with a lurking zombie alter ego.