Hopes and Dreams Thyroidectomized by Cancer
Here we go:
There is a Native American legend that says, “If you have a secret wish, capture a butterfly and whisper your wish to it. Since butterflies cannot speak, your secret is ever safe in their keeping. Release the butterfly, and it will carry your wish to the Great Spirit, who alone knows the thoughts of butterflies. By setting the butterfly free, you are helping to restore the balance of nature, and your wish will surely be granted.”
I feel as though you know my deepest darkest secrets, wishes and dreams. It’s like you know my soul and how it works and what it is that makes me tick.
Remember when I had the energy to go non-stop from sun up to well past the sundown? Remember when I had dreams of being a star on stage, where I could touch the emotions of hundreds of strangers in the audience before me? Remember when I used to be able to make people around me laugh until they shed a little tear, and how I used to be able to light up a whole room? Remember when I had dreams and wishes that were so set in stone, I didn’t think about them as maybes?
Do you remember????
Because, it’s hard to remember all of those things. I have a hard time remembering what I did yesterday, or what I have to accomplish today. Those days were a lifetime before today. Those memories are locked up in a box, stored away behind the curtain of haze and cloudiness and blocked by the reality I have before me. I can’t remember them anymore!!!
I am trying to remember a day where I actually felt good. Where I laughed over the littlest quirkiness that happened in front of me or when I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, to allow the sun’s rays to warm my skin, just because it felt good…HELP ME!!!! I can’t find the box with those memories!!! I couldn’t have lost those too. I can’t have another day without those. please. help me. one last time. before you go…
I remember the day when that student tried as hard as he could to scrape the right tissue away for the biopsy. I remember that pain. I remember, right before I was going to walk out the door, to pick up my son from the bus stop at the end of our block, the words my Doctor said. “You have cancer”. I remember feeling my husband cry in my arms when he got home. His shoulders shook, his tears were warm against my skin and he held me tight. I remember it’s time to take my pill when my alarm sounds at six o’clock every morning. They are new this week. I think they may actually be working.
Do you remember my secret wish? The one I gave you before you left? I think you are starting to remember it. It was the one that was tied with the pretty little bow. It wasn’t too heavy, or too awkward to carry far. It was just a simple little wish and maybe a simple little dream or two.
You might like to know, I think nature is starting to balance itself out a bit. I have a little clarity. I have a little bit of energy building up inside my soul again. I can see the light and feel the warmth coming through the blinds that are partially open today. Sometimes I even catch a little smile coming from the mirror. I laugh with my son and even embarrass him with a little old school dancing. I hold my husband and we make love without crying inside.
Thank you for remembering to take my wish with you. I will remember to remember you, everyday.
best wishes for you and for me,
–Written by, Molly
(Bio) I am a 32 year old female who was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer on April 2, 2010 and had a total-thyroidectomy on July 6th. I finally saw my Endo last week and was given the news that I will not need to have the scans or radiation at this time. Life is finally slowly getting back to normal. I just felt like it was time to write. Thank you for giving me and everyone else this outlet. It is beautiful and humbling. : )
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, thyroid cancer, thyroid cancer community, thyroid cancer forum, thyroid cancer patient feelings, thyroid cancer patient letters, thyroid cancer support, thyroid cancer treatment, Thyroidectomies