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Hopes and Dreams Thyroidectomized by Cancer
Hello Thy-friends,
Here we go:
There is a Native American legend that says, “If you have a secret wish, capture a butterfly and whisper your wish to it. Since butterflies cannot speak, your secret is ever safe in their keeping. Release the butterfly, and it will carry your wish to the Great Spirit, who alone knows the thoughts of butterflies. By setting the butterfly free, you are helping to restore the balance of nature, and your wish will surely be granted.”
Dear Thyroid,
I feel as though you know my deepest darkest secrets, wishes and dreams. It’s like you know my soul and how it works and what it is that makes me tick.
Remember when I had the energy to go non-stop from sun up to well past the sundown? Remember when I had dreams of being a star on stage, where I could touch the emotions of hundreds of strangers in the audience before me? Remember when I used to be able to make people around me laugh until they shed a little tear, and how I used to be able to light up a whole room? Remember when I had dreams and wishes that were so set in stone, I didn’t think about them as maybes?
Do you remember????
Because, it’s hard to remember all of those things. I have a hard time remembering what I did yesterday, or what I have to accomplish today. Those days were a lifetime before today. Those memories are locked up in a box, stored away behind the curtain of haze and cloudiness and blocked by the reality I have before me. I can’t remember them anymore!!!
I am trying to remember a day where I actually felt good. Where I laughed over the littlest quirkiness that happened in front of me or when I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, to allow the sun’s rays to warm my skin, just because it felt good…HELP ME!!!! I can’t find the box with those memories!!! I couldn’t have lost those too. I can’t have another day without those. please. help me. one last time. before you go…
I remember the day when that student tried as hard as he could to scrape the right tissue away for the biopsy. I remember that pain. I remember, right before I was going to walk out the door, to pick up my son from the bus stop at the end of our block, the words my Doctor said. “You have cancer”. I remember feeling my husband cry in my arms when he got home. His shoulders shook, his tears were warm against my skin and he held me tight. I remember it’s time to take my pill when my alarm sounds at six o’clock every morning. They are new this week. I think they may actually be working.
Do you remember my secret wish? The one I gave you before you left? I think you are starting to remember it. It was the one that was tied with the pretty little bow. It wasn’t too heavy, or too awkward to carry far. It was just a simple little wish and maybe a simple little dream or two.
You might like to know, I think nature is starting to balance itself out a bit. I have a little clarity. I have a little bit of energy building up inside my soul again. I can see the light and feel the warmth coming through the blinds that are partially open today. Sometimes I even catch a little smile coming from the mirror. I laugh with my son and even embarrass him with a little old school dancing. I hold my husband and we make love without crying inside.
Thank you for remembering to take my wish with you. I will remember to remember you, everyday.
best wishes for you and for me,
Molly
–Written by, Molly
(Bio) I am a 32 year old female who was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer on April 2, 2010 and had a total-thyroidectomy on July 6th. I finally saw my Endo last week and was given the news that I will not need to have the scans or radiation at this time. Life is finally slowly getting back to normal. I just felt like it was time to write. Thank you for giving me and everyone else this outlet. It is beautiful and humbling. : )
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, thyroid cancer, thyroid cancer community, thyroid cancer forum, thyroid cancer patient feelings, thyroid cancer patient letters, thyroid cancer support, thyroid cancer treatment, Thyroidectomies
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10 Responses to “Hopes and Dreams Thyroidectomized by Cancer”
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thank you for sharing your memories & your wishes, Molly. I hope the new medication continues to work and you continue to find more health and joy. XO
Molly I’m a 6year differentiated follicular thyca survivor. I’m a single mom to a beautiful girl who was just 5 when i was diagnosed. I do not presume to walk in your shoes but i have been thru what you feel now. It sucks not having a thyroid. It sucks having people tell you how great it is to be alive when the tiredness stops any quality of life.
You have to persevere. I promise you it gets easier. It will never be perfect. But over time you will emerge again from the fog. Older. Wiser. Probably more cynical 😉 but you will emerge. If you want to stay in touch id be happy to pass on details. One thyca girl to another 🙂
Beautiful and achingly accurate. Stay well.
I read your post and thought, “brave” . . . you are brave and courageous and spiritual and giving. You gave us all the gift of your words. Thank you
Thank you Molly. I am a mom and three time survivor myself. What we went and have to go through stinks. What’s beautiful about it is that we have ‘new eyes’ and sometimes the dreams that emerge afterward are things we never knew were inside of us.
Stay strong,
Anna
Great job! Brought tears to my eyes 🙂 good luck with the new medication!
I can tell you will start to feel the warm sun on your skin again soon. No need to find the old box with the old memories. It’s time to start making new memories for the new post-cancer box. And if you didn’t realize it, you are already starting to light up the room again. You described the first parts of the journey beautifully. Good luck on your travels back to “normal”, whatever that may be.
Thank you for writing your story so beautifully and for giving me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was diagnosed with papillary in nov last year and had a partial thyrodectomy but am constantly feeling worse and worse. It is good to know that this doesnt have to last and that one day I will feel like you will too. Thank you for being so brave in sharing what you have felt and went through. I hope things continue to balance out for you and life becomes happy again.
Beautiful letter Molly full of passion I hear you..so glad you have the all clear and you can try and get back to the things you yearn for the things locked up in your memory box.
Lolly
Molly,
What a beautiful piece you have written! I am so happy that you are starting to see the light and that a smile can once again re-emerge along with some laughter and good times. Its also good to hear that you can actually feel a difference with the medication working. Stay strong and brave!