DEAR THYROID^TM

**Update: Let me just start out by saying I’ve unplugged myself from the Matrix.  I, Nicole Wells, have done the unthinkable and thrown out my scale.  Tossed it into the dumpster, and RELEASED myself from it’s stifling embrace.  No longer shall I be chained to a number that hasn’t changed in two weeks, and entertaining a dead end relationship with an asshole that reports bad news when I’m expecting to hear something sweet.  It’s done.  From here on out, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing, avoid beating myself up for not losing at a faster pace, and just assume I’ll lose the final 20lbs next year some time ***

The word I wanted to explore this week is “Play”.  Of all the things we don’t make time for in our lives this is probably the last thing we’d ever consider.  Playing like a kid.  Playing like no one is watching.  Playing like the world is there for us to crawl, jump and stampede all over it.  “Play” to take you away from the serious disease plaguing your body.

Sometimes I’m jealous of how kids get to say and do whatever they want in public without worrying about judgement from others.  No one ever says “What are they on?” or “They should be ashamed of themselves, pfffft, acting like that in public”.  These are things I hear NOW, in my 30s.  Never heard it when I was a kid, cause I acted like an adult and rarely played like a kid should.  How do I find my inner child when my inner child doesn’t know what acting like a child means?  I’m like the Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I figure by the time I’m 40, I’ll be ready for Junior High.

My Playtime started out before I even realized Play was going to be the word o’ the week.  A friend came into town and we headed to a country bar to hang out; since I have no idea how to line dance, we took it upon ourselves to just do a cross between interpretive dance and a “Girl, you so crazy” dance.  I’ll spare you the details, but I just want you to know that our dance ended with me leaping into her arms as she spun me around.  Cameras were flashing, and I figured we’d end up on some “Crazy Drunk Chicks” Fail blog the following day.  Let me know if you come across those pix.

It was FUN and I didn’t entertain any thoughts of “what are people saying about me?”  I was acting like a kid in my own world for MY amusement.  Damn the consequences!!  Ps – when you act like a kid as an adult, some people aren’t down with it and fail to recognize the “acting like a kid” part.  They see it as you being a jackass, or needing attention for some odd reason.  DO NOT LET THEM TAKE YOU DOWN.

So, when it came time to sit down this week and figure out what I else I wanted to do for “Play”…the answer just POPPED IN MY HEAD.

Color Me Mine

In case you haven’t been or heard of it, it’s a ceramics store where you can PAINT YOUR OWN BOWL, MUG, PLATE, WHATEVER YOU WANT.  Paint it, and then they glaze it – within a couple of days you have your own work of art at home.  It’s geared towards kids and kid parties, but it’s definitely a place to go as an adult when you CRAVE being a kid.  I jumped in my car and drove to the nearest location, picked out a butter dish (one of those things I don’t have for some odd reason) and started to paint.  I snapped my headphones on, listened to music and painted blissfully for 3 hours.  Here it is, RAW pic of the art before it gets glazed and put into the fire –

Owl…or Storm Trooper?  Who knows?  Look at my pre-sketching on the paper right next to it – it was an alien at that point.  My mom can paint, but sadly that talent was not passed down to me.  Took me FOREVER to sketch that owl from looking at a book.  I even managed to F up his eyes so he looks strung out on coke, and no longer charming.

I sat there, critically judging my owl.  Why???  The purpose was to be A KID, TO PLAY and not CARE.  Why do I take every task so seriously?  I’m either a perfectionist or apathetic to the point of frustrating others – no middle ground for moi.  I was actually upset for awhile with my owl, I mean, how ridiculous can I get?

I’m also being very hard on myself with my writing these days. Suffering some sort of artistic block for the past month or so, and I can’t snap out of it.  A few months ago I was on fire, writing every morning and thinking I was fit enough to write a book.  Now?  It’s taking me forever to try and find the rhythm again.  Even with photography, I’m grasping for the urge to snap pictures.  In my childlike attempt, I really want to kick, scream, and throw a temper tantrum to get my muse back – yet I have no idea who or what took it away from me.

I’m trying VERY HARD to be the kid that lives life without judging my shortcomings.  This “Play” day was a reminder to try and incorporate it into my LIFE while living with this shitty disease that STILL SCREWS ME UP.

Graves is TAXING, Graves is MENTAL AND PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION, Graves is something you can’t just FORGET about once you think it’s “over”.

Taking the time to “Play” reminded me how absurd, strange, and colorful life is and will continue to be…I wish I could find a way to bottle some of that absurdity, mix it up with some playfulness, and toss in a dash of humor to create a drink named – “ABANDON YOUR SELF-DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS WHILE YOU PLAY EVERY DAY.”  Oh, I’d also add vodka to this awesome drink.

How do YOU Play like a kid, and what would you name your Play/Life drink?  These are things I NEED to know!  xoxo, Nix

Tags: child-like, Color Me Mine, critical, Graves Diseaes, inner child, kids, play, playfulness, writers block

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