DEAR THYROID^TM

Often, when I write, I refer to a quote by one of my favorite authors, Charles Bukowski, “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”. After reading it as a freshman in college, it’s been a relevant, almost desperate fixture in my life.

Over the years, I’ve autopsied each word, believing in the subtext and grittiness of the quote in its entirety, as well as the depth of its meaning. My wish was to act on it so poetically that regardless of incident, I would deflect situations like gourmet Danish buttered Teflon. Imagining myself breezing through the fire like Grace Kelly-meets-Whoopi Goldberg-meets-Norman Lear-meets- Edna St. Vincent Millay-meets-Charles Bukowski, and so many others. Recently, it occurred to me what the problem was; me. My inability to accept the death of my former self and embrace this new self, among other things. I’m a schmuck, I know.

None of us RSVP’d for the autoimmune disease soiree, but here we are, partying hard with it on a daily basis. Swapping lemon drop martinis for Synthroid or desiccated thyroid cocktails; eschewing heated fuck-a-thons for heart attack worthy palpitations and unimaginable sweat fests; renouncing every fiber of our former beings to alien invaders that swell our bodies to inconceivable sizes or shrink them to anorexic proportions and bestow us with symptoms far too shameful or heartbreaking to proclaim as, well, our own. In short, we, collectively, have endured much more than anyone should, fighting a disease we never invited into our lives.

Speaking for myself, as I’ve said a million times, I am no wiser. I am no stronger. I don’t love any deeper. I am no more grateful than I was pre-thybacle. Still. “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”, whatever that means to me, or to any of us for that matter. I want to embrace it, in and out of context.

One thing I am certain of is who I was pre-Graves and the parts of myself I recognize, even with Graves’. I am a tough broad. I know where I come from. My integrity and ethics have never been up for negotiation or sale. I have no ulterior motive, so you can bet your sweet ass that anything I am attached to doesn’t either.

That being said, let me be clear about my intentions regarding Dear Thyroid; they are rooted in the belief that we women, teens and men deserve a place to say anything about our disease,  (save religion and politics), to curse until our wombs and balls feel emptied of toxic rage that we marginalize to the others with a genial “I’m fine. Thanks for asking… To celebrate each other’s thyroid success stories with unconditional sincerity, to catch each other with shrimping sized nets when we fall, to feel heavyhearted, macabre and pessimistic and know that there is someone on the other side waving their arms and screaming, “I hear you. I feel you. I understand, and they actually mean it.

It was and still remains a wish that thyroid community’s band together to support and elevate each other. I don’t think I’ll ever give up on that notion. I believe there is strength in numbers. And I believe that that,  united strength has enough power to invoke change.

When I see thyroid communities embracing the business of thyroids without realizing that we thyroid patients fight it day in and day out because it’s an unfortunate consequence of the medical community, it incenses the fuck out of me.

When did egregious allegations with respect to each other’s endeavors without knowing the individuals behind that support group become acceptable? When did stealing each other’s core identity (brand) for personal gain become the norm? ,  When did joining the business of thyroids parley into a practice amongst the thyroid community? When did they forget that they are one of us? “When did this become a competition,” as the Editor-In-Chief, Liz Schau says.

Grow up and join us. We need you as much as you need us. Maintain your originality and respect other’s. False allegations accomplish nothing. If we are going to win the war against autoimmune disease, we can’t do it individually, but we can do it together, as a family. ,  Remember where you came from; a doctor’s office, a diagnosis and a life that was turned inside out and upside down. And one more thing: “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire…

And now onto this week’s searches;

• Thyroid man – He can leap tall buildings in a single sweat, move bowels faster than a speeding bullet, lose hair more powerfully than a locomotive. Look, all around you, it’s a living, breathing human penis with a thyroid condition.
• Does a goiter mean your thyroid is failing – Well, it sure as shit don’t mean it’s working for ya, darlin’; more like against you.
• Flat tire – Dear Thyroid Auto Body? Hmm, I guess it does make sense in a weird ass way. Though, I would think a more targeted search like valve replacement, new starters and dropped my transmission would be more relevant. What the fuck do I know?!
• Thyroid condition making my husband… – A prick? We know sugar bear. He doesn’t mean it, really he doesn’t, it’s his thyroid.
• How long before supplements kick in – That’s rhetorical, right? I wouldn’t make a habit of clock watching or say anything like “I’m banking on (insert time frame) here”.
• Now i m trace bitch – I see when we went glock shopping online today, we inadvertently landed on Dear Thyroid… how?!
• Thyroid scars – Are bitchin’, word!
• Baginas xxx – What is a bagina specifically? What makes it xxx? And why is it better than a VAgina?
• Thyroid porne problems – First of all, the correct spelling of “Porne”, is “Porn”. Secondly, let’s talk titles; I’m thinking “Thymentiarella Did Dallas Twice”, “HypoBlowjob Impossible” and maybe “Thyroidectomized Vulvacademy”.
• Can fumes affect your thyroid – As in huffing glue, Sharpies, or cans of Raid?
• Do you have good days and bad days with thyroid disease – Are you new?!
• What the hell…i don’t need my thyroid – Than remove it, honey, just make sure you do it under supervision.
• If you have thyroid u is it ok to drink – To me this reads like you haven’t put the bottle down yet.
• Healthy food for thyroid patience – Even though you mean “patients”, I’d like to address it as if you meant “Patience”. Therefore my answer is “There is no fucking food that will make your fucking thyroid exercise patience”.
• Thyrode patient – Har. Loved the typo. “Thyrode”, sounds so bikeree-non-filter-hardcore-smoker-don’t-take-lip-from-nobody-I-beat-up-old-ladies-and-midgets-with-my-baseball-bat, yeah, I’m a bad ass thyrode.
• What the fuck is throid – Dude, throid? Sweet nickname for the roid of thy.
• Dirty thyroid – Who you tellin’?!
• Thyroid pot stickers – Oh, Canibilarella, will you ever stop fantasizing about noshing on thyroids?!

Love,

Katie Schwartz

A couple of things to note:

If anyone has emailed me in the past two weeks at katie@dearthyroid.com and the email was kicked back to you, my email has been a bit wonky lately. Sorry about that. Please re-send your emails to dearthyroid@gmail.com. In the subject line write: “To Katie” or simply say, “I can’t fucking remember what that loud mouthed broad’s name is” or whatever the hell you want.

We received a very important note that we wanted to pass along regarding thyroid cancer: Hello all of my fellow THYCA people. As you know I don’t post usually, but this is very important to all of us. Please for all of you with health insurance or with out republican or democrat it doesn’t matter. We all have a pre-existing medical condition and if you loose your insurance or are underinsured we need change. A strong public option(it’s not government run) it gives the insurance companies someone that they have to compete with. Right now there isn’t any competition to bring down premiums or to stop denying coverage.We all need this. PLEASE PLEASE call your SENATORS and CONGRESSMEN and CONGRESSWOMEN before Tuesday of next week and tell them we need affordable coverage with no pre-existing conditions A Strong Public Option.   Please click to get involved and join the cause.

Speaking of community, if you haven’t joined the “Save Natural Thyroid“, community, I encourage you to do so. ,  Even though I can never take desiccated thyroid, I know that many of my thyrellas and thyfellahs need these medications to survive. The idea of them not having them is unconscionable to me. Similarly, I want thyroid patients to have as many treatments available to them as possible, just like I want us to have better medical treatment and health care (a girl can dream, can’t she).

Do not forget to check out this week’s thylicious Thyrants.

Tags: Dear Thyroid, Dear Thyroid Searches, katie schwartz column, Marco Thylo, thyroid support communities, thyroid support community

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