Thanks to Joanna Isbill, we’re bringing Marco Thylo back; our thyroid humor column. The name “Marco Thylo” was coined by @HypoGirl.
On the first Saturday of every month, Joanna Isbill and I will be writing Marco Thylo. We’ll be taking the top 10 searches from the previous month and writing our snarky responses. Why? Because life in the Gland Canyon can get a little intense, we need a laugh, a little relief from our thyrama.
Written by Joanna Isbill
Babes taking a piss on poise pads: Are bringing sexy back?
Doctors who ate specialists: Well that explains where all the good endocrinologists have gone. Dr. Cannibalarella, you are the bane of our existence!
Farmer Wisconsin thyroid: What, was hell going to freeze over before our endos informed us there is a farmer in Wisconsin growing thyroids?! And I thought I was going to have to live without a thyroid for the rest of my life. Darlin’, you just give me a call when it’s harvest time and I’ll shoot up to Wisconsin to pick up my gland. Now will you have a curbside market, or should I just knock on your front door?
How many years does a thyroid patient leave: Well, sugar britches, that just depends. If the doctor ate her endocrinologist, she might never come back. But if our farmer in Wisconsin harvests that crop of thyroids soon, you go ahead and turn the front porch light on and get ready to welcome home your long lost lover.
Glazed and confused my gym partner is a monkey:  Honey, we’re glazed and confused, too, but it’s not because we have monkeys for gym partners. It’s because many of us spend days at the gym, just think about a Big Mac, and gain ten pounds. Why don’t you leave the monkey at home with the ganja that you are clearly smoking and invest in a human trainer? Mm k, pumpkin?
Written by Katie Schwartz
Sweat dripping breasts erotical: What hyperthyroid or Graves’ patient wouldn’t agree: profuse, uncontrollable sweaty breasts to the point of needing to change shirts 3-4 times a day isn’t hot, hot, hot?! Even better when paired with their hearts pounding out of their chests, it sure is erotical. Boy, I tell you, speaking from experience, those days were awesome; why just getting out of bed would yield buckets of sweat, enough to be the envy of any third world country in need of a little H2o. By the way, I hate to be a pain in the ass, but erotical isn’t a word. Erotically and erotic are words.
Ate tuna sandwich thyroid imaging with uptake: Dude, you were allowed to eat during your scan and tuna no less?! Would love the name of your shitendo—def want to pass his/her name along to other patients. Really knows his/her stuff. Must be at the top of their game, yo! Really savvy.
Docs fucking patients: Like this is new?! Shrinks have been bangin’ their patients for years. Not all, just a select few. The ones who really care about their patients overall wellbeing, so sweet, right?
Endo pain every day: In my rectal gland.
Freakish vaginas: Word to the Graves’ girls! That’s right; our snatch packages are riddled in polka dots. Wanna bend me?
Care to add your humorous thyroid touch to this week’s column?
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Next Sunday, How To Kick Your Thyroid’s Ass will be back.
Dear Thyroid Feeds