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Thyrgraphs? Yes, Thygraphs

Post Published: 03 July 2009
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Category: Join The Discussion, Thygraphs
This post currently has 5 responses. Leave a comment

Welcome to the first installation of Thygraphs! What are Thygraphs, you ask? A monthly thylyfestive story series that begins at the first of every month on Dear Thyroid. However, because we work on “Thyroid Time”, not real time, we’re posting on July 4th, not July 1st.

Each month, we’ll be asking you, our Dear Thyroid readers, a specific question related to — “WAIT FOR IT — thyroid disease. Shocked?!

In 200 words or less, via Facebook and Email,  send us your,  Thygraph submissions. At the end of each month, we’ll post everyone’s Thygraph, it’ll be thylicious, we tell ya.

This month’s topic:

  • Thyroid Patients: What is the worst, most humiliating symptom you deal with? Spill it, anonymously, or otherwise. Let’s get some of the I’m-too-ashamed-to-share symptoms out into the world. Our symptoms don’t define us, we define us. Facing the horror of some of our symptoms is emotionally crippling, therefore we think it’s worth talking about.
  • Families of Thyroid Patients: What is your oddest, “what the hell is happening” thyroid experience with your loved one’s thyroid? Same rules apply. Spill it, all of it, every uncensored word.

Find out more about Thygraphs

Seeing as this our first Thygraph series, I’ll go first and share one of my most humiliating experiences to make it easier, okay?

Katie: Graves’ Disease and Graves’ Opthalmopathy

One of the symptoms of Graves’ disease that is rarely discussed is brown spots that look like freckles, in my mouth, on my cheeks, my gums and the inside of my lips. Hot, right? I also have these lovely freckles in my split knish, you know, my flange, beaver, my formerly known as hot pink box, pussy, cunt, vagina, my lady parts — whatever the hell you want to call it, they’re jacked. The inside of my thighs leading to my glory hole resemble Russian pumpernickel bread, as do my meaty lips. Fly in some pastrami, a little sauerkraut and some deli mustard, and by golly, you’ve got yourself one hell of a nosh.

Pre-diagnosis, on a beige girl, you’d expect to find a sweet pink snatch, right? Wrong. I used to send men in with a miner’s cap and a compass, so they’d find their way out of my vagina. ,  Who wants to be liable for harboring a man against his will?

As the years have passed, my vagarincess has only gotten darker, to the point where I think “Gee, did I ever have a pink pussy? Will I ever have one again?”

I can joke about it, sure. But, the truth of the matter is, it kills me. I am heartbroken. Scared to death of a man venturing between my legs, so paralyzed with fear of what he’ll think when he sees this damaged box of goods. How will I ever explain it in laymen’s terms without my lady balls bursting into uncontrollable sobs? ,  How can I, when I can barely explain it to myself? And I often wonder, “Will I ever have sex again? Why can’t I accept that I am more than the sum of,  my pumpernickel vagina?

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5 Responses to “Thyrgraphs? Yes, Thygraphs”

  1. thy_r88gous says:

    OMG! You poor thing. Stupid thyRHOID. I will never eat pumpernickle bread again! (without laughing my ass off.) You poor thing. But seriously you should try some vaginal/skin bleach. There is such a thing. Its some kind of gel, cream, what ever that lightens the skin. I dont know if it would help but maybe. It’s worth a try.

  2. hyperchondria says:

    Oh, Katie! That sucks so badly. I mean, it’s just awful. Ugh!!! Who wants a chocolate cooch? Wait a minute… maybe that’s the spin you need. Now, pardon me, I need to check the hue of my dip.

  3. Zari says:

    As a guy I guess I have a slightly different way of thinking about this….

    I was impressed that you were still able to be thinking about whether or not you wanted to have sex. See, one of the things about low thyroid for me was that not only was I not able to perform, I also forgot why it was that I used to like sex. It just didn’t seem important anymore. Very sad, and you know how us guys get about these things. Fortunately synthroid fixed that.

    I’m long term monogamous so don’t take this the wrong way. But a few freckles (or a lot of big brown spots) aren’t going to bother me. First of all how visible are they in the dark? 2nd of all in visible light, since and old girlfriends copious acne there didn’t bother me, I doubt I’d care about spots.

    In my opinion, be glad that the thyroid problems spared your sex drive and you still want to have sex.

    Zari

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