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You Expect Thygiveness After What You’ve Taken From Me, Seriously?!

Post Published: 21 July 2009
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Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 20 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid;

I am told you look like a butterfly, fluttering imperceptibly at the base of my neck. I imagine you pretty, delicate, in slightly iridescent shades of pink. Who couldn’t love such a thing of beauty? You’ve been with me faithfully for 45 years; I imagine you joined me even before that, in my mother’s womb. In truth, I never paid you much heed, my constant companion, until a few years ago, when it became official that you were refusing to work with me any longer. I thought I had taken good care of you, along with all the other parts of my body: I eat ridiculously well, I exercise, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs;

So what gives? Do you have any idea what life has been like for me in the past decade? yes, decade, even if you only were caught sleeping at the wheel three years ago, I have been suffering for over ten years from your dozing off and have all the records to prove it. Do you have any idea of the supreme suckiness that has been my life? Do you have any idea how many times I have wanted to end it all? Do you have any idea what it means for a 36 year-old woman to be told that her fatigue and weight gain and hair loss and depression are incontrovertible signs of impending menopause? Do you have any idea what it means for this woman to be told to give up on having the child she so immensely desires with the man she so immensely loves because of that only to learn, when it is too late, that it was not menopause? Do you have any idea what it means for a teacher to forget words in mid-sentence in front of a class? To forget basic facts of her topic of expertise and draw a complete blank at the simplest of questions? Do you have any idea what it means to pass out, literally pass out from exhaustion on the floor of your office, even with regular 10-hour sleep nights? Do you have any idea what it means to watch yourself cut your own hand while making supper and not having the energy to stop yourself? Do you have any idea what it means to be so terrified of your own out-of-it-ness that you don’t dare cross a street on your own, let alone drive? Do you have any idea of what it feels like to put on weight while you are starving yourself, and see the spark vanish from your husband’s eyes when he looks at you—and who could blame him, honestly? Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to hear time and again that it is all in your head, and get over it already learn to live with it, and go talk to (yet another) shrink?

I went to the shrink; I took the meds even when they didn’t work; I gave it time; I took drugs that split my head with raging migraines; I cut a million foods from my diet; I ingested so many supplements that I rattled like a maraca. And still; How much longer must I take it?

You may be pretty and lovely and everything, but I swear to you, dear Thyroid, I’ll take you down with me. If I don’t win this one, we’ll both lose and you won’t be the wiser for it.

Yours truly,

Vera

(Bio) “Vera Leblanc lives with her slacker of a thyroid in the middle of nowhere, NY. When she finds her way out of her brain-fog, she writes and she teaches. Most of the times these days she succeeds at neither, and she is getting mightily tired of it…

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20 Responses to “You Expect Thygiveness After What You’ve Taken From Me, Seriously?!”

  1. Susan says:

    This was “right on the money!” You’re not alone.

  2. Heather says:

    Vera, I could have written your letter. Thank you so much for your efforts! You are not alone. We must unite against this sickness.

  3. Joann says:

    thank you for your letter Vera, it described me perfectly a few years ago but I am feeling so much better. Don’t give up on regaining your health, it is possible with the right tests and a competent doctor!

  4. quin browne says:

    vera,

    i cc’d your letter to my thyroid. it was far easier, being pretty much what i’d say, than trying to focus long enough to write one myself.

    actually, i cc’d it to my thyroid replacement pills.

    same thing, right?

    q

  5. cindy says:

    I am with you! I know what you mean exactly. It’s amazing so many people all the same symptoms, and the docs still don’t get it…hmmm

  6. Babs67 says:

    “Slacker of a thyroid” – LOL – I love it. You’d think these thryoids were Gen X or something…oh wait, they are.

  7. Lisa says:

    Vera,
    Thank you so much for your honesty. If I could have read this letter a few years back, I’m certain I would have sought treatment for my symptoms that I can now attribute to my thyroid.

    Sending hugs your way,
    Lisa

    P.S. When I see anything with butterfly designs, I gag.

  8. Kathy says:

    Vera, your thyroid may not be listening and knowing what you have gone through, but we are, and we do. No one knows except those who have walked in your shoes what you are going through and how you feel. Keep coming back here and sharing. The community we have built here is so strong and we will all get through these feelings together. Thanks for your sharing. I truly know in my thyroid and my heart how you are feeling.
    A very big tight hug to you!

  9. Susan says:

    I could have written this letter, except for the shrink. I gues my melt down in my GYN office was enough to convince them that for the past 10 years I told them something was wrong and no it wasn’t just because I was getting older. I have the added benefit of having continous breast milk, I forget what it is called, glat…something or other, even though my baby turned 21 this year. 🙂 Do you know how it feels to be afraid to be around a new born and have that rushing filling?

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