She’s Still Standing AND Living, Take That, Thyroid
It’s been 14 days since you have been gone. It has been 14 days since you have been taken out of my swollen neck, killed and thrown away. It has been 14 days since not only you died, but also the girl you forced me to become over the last 7 years died as well. It has been 14 days since the new and improved, formerly imprisoned “me” has begun to emerge. It has only been 14 days and I can already see the light.
I am seeing the world with a new set of eyes. I am reawakened, I am reborn and I feel lucky to be given a second chance. It was not until you were gone that I understood the extent of just how deeply you affected me. You forced me to strap on a pair of gray colored glasses, dulling my entire existence. You not only made me physically sick, but you took the color right out of my life without me even realizing it. Even on the so-called good days, my life lacked color, lacked enthusiasm, lacked passion. I would smile and laugh and go through the motions of life as a zombie. I was a half dead comma patient somehow making it through my colorless black and white life.
This past weekend I felt something so unfamiliar, so overwhelming, so foreign to me and so colorful that it brought me to tears. It was pure, uninhibited, non-forced, totally genuine JOY. The smile I had on my face was unfeigned; the laughter coming from my voice was real. It took me a moment to step back and ask myself what I was feeling at that very moment to realize that you were gone, I was not only still standing, but I was living in a world of vibrant color again. The sky was bluer, the trees were greener, my hands did not tremble, my heart did not palpitate, my body was not begging for rest, my mind was not in a mess of foggy clouds. I was alive, I was energized, I was seeing in vibrant Technicolor again and I feeling pure and true emotions of happiness and joy. It was unbelievable.
I do not blame you and I harbor no anger towards you. This was and is my path and with genuine joy and happiness I await to see where this path with lead me next. I wear bandages where you once lived, diseased and fighting for your life, and I wear them with pride. It has only been 14 days and the light ahead is already so bright, so vivid, so colorful and so beautiful and it is because of you that I can have a newfound appreciation for it. It has only been 14 days and I cannot wait to see who I become without you.
“Graves Disease, No Longer At war after 7 years
Thyroidless and Strong
Proud to be The Last One Standing”
*Rachel Also Wrote “Dear Thyroid, I will be the last one standing, not you“.