I Hate You, Thyroid Cancer, And Love Is Bigger Than Fear
Dear thyroid cancer,
It’s easy to focus on the negatives that you brought along with you. The negatives are always right in my face, staring me down. The fatigue, the insomnia, depending on a pill to survive. The swollen lymph node in my neck. I hate you and I hate all the heartache you’ve caused. I hate all the changes you’ve made to my body. I hate you for making me second-guess myself.
You know what, thyroid cancer, I hate you, but I do not hate the person you’ve made me. Oh, I did at first. At first, the change you put me through was unbearable. I balked at it, but once I got a handle on the fear you tried to destroy me with, I learned to embrace the change. You changed so very much about me. You’ve taught me so very much about myself and about life. I bet you didn’t know that could happen, did you? You and your evil tried to take over my life, but in the middle of the ugliness, I found a pocket of beauty. Can I always see the beauty? No. Sometimes your presence is so sharp in my mind that you are all I can think about. But while you were focused on stealing my life and destroying my body, you unknowingly became a teacher. The lessons I’ve learned from you have led to beautiful changes in me. I want you to know what I’ve learned while living with you so you will remember that you don’t hold me in bondage:
The easy question to ask is, “Why is this happening to me?” The better question to ask is, “What can I do to use this for good?”
Life isn’t always about me. People are more important than things. People are more important than cancer.
Love is bigger than fear; perfect love destroys fear.
I cannot be full of fear and full of peace at the same time. Living in peace is a choice. It’s not an easy choice, but it’s a choice.
You are the worst thing that ever happened to me because of what you’ve put me through. You are the best thing that ever happened to me because of what you’ve taught me.
I hate you, my beautiful mess, but I love the person you’ve made me.
Tags: cancer and fear, Dear Thyroid Letters, eradicating fear, fatigue, I hate thyroid cancer, insomnia, Joanna Isbill Dear Thyroid Letter, living with fear, swollen lymph nodes, thyroid cancer, thyroid cancer patients, thyroid medication