The Wacky Days Start at 6AM
This is my first letter to you. It will not be my last. It has been one year and three months since my papillary thyroid cancer diagnosis. It feels like 20 years! I’ve had three surgeries and one bout of RAI, which I call “supermassive black hole” nuclear hell within this timeframe. I have never felt more alone in my life. All of these crazy symptoms, (currently hyper and up at 6AM) and also STILL dealing with the pain and swelling from my third surgery on March 25th, are freaking me out! I am also out of work. I want to work. I NEED to be around people because I love talking and working with people. I have crappy support from family because that’s how it just is. I’m trying my best to deal with my “fake” thyroid, Syn(Sin)-Thyroid. Money is very tight and I need financial support. I may have to sell my car that I love and get something cheaper. I shouldn’t have to do that! I don’t want to leave out my wonderful friends. They’ve been very supportive in dealing with my wackiness. I tend to write messages or email friends when I’m struggling during my wacky days.
Why am I up before 6 AM? I wonder how many crunches I can do or how long I can run around the block? I was so worried last night about this swollen gland under and to the side of my chin. I kept thinking, ” What is my thyroglobulin blood level doing right now as I wait until August because I am still recovering from surgery?” And, “Is this swollen gland thing on the side of my chin, that is kind of numb, like my long scar on my numb neck, part of the healing process?” Or is it a lymph node that’s bad? I was told that I may be getting a cold……my arse! Maybe it is a cold, I don’t know……I HAVE TO WAIT.
My endocrinology specialist says that my TSH hormone level is low and that is how she wants it. I feel like I am like a ping-pong ball moving back and forth super fast and I get irritated very quick with some of the people in this world when I go out and do my “thing” in public. Then I need to take a nap since I’m still recovering. It’s only been three months since my surgery when I had over 20 lymph nodes (good and bad) removed. By the way, did I mention that I’ve been filling out applications with long essays for school districts every day and I had two interviews within the last two weeks? Nothing yet. I wonder if people notice anything “different” about me. I also need to say that I just turned 35 on July 4th. I really needed to go on a vacation but as previously stated, I’m financially strapped. And no, I don’t want to get into it…
Tags: dealing with cancer alone, dear thyroid letter, emotional despair as a result of treatment and cost of thyroid cancer, expense of treating thyroid cancer, papillary thyroid cancer, RAI treatment for thyroid cancer, The Wacky Days Start at 6 AM, thyroid cancer symptoms, Written by Micheline