Fat Thigh-Roid Woes: Disjointed Mumbo Thigh-Jumbo
I have no attention span right now due to the heat and I live in a 2nd floor apartment. Central air? Pffft, try a lame wall unit. Since my brain is so jumbled right now between LIFE and more LIFE stuff, my column is broken up into two parts that have nothing to do with one another. I will NOT apologize – do you have ANY IDEA how hot it is right now? UGH….
The common thread we all seem to have in the face of disease is feeling alone. No one understands, no one can ever understand unless they deal with it, and sometimes – the people we thought cared actually don’t.
I feel that each one of us pulls inspiration from somewhere during the shittiest days of thyroid disease, whether it be from an actual person, a fictional character we’ve come to love (as stupid as that sounds, but I have a list), or even a damn good and powerful song. There has got to be a reason to get out of bed in the morning, put on our either too tight or too loose clothes, and get on with the day despite all the palpitations, aches, and anger.
How many of us live in a perpetual state of gloom & doom from being beaten up by Graves, Hashis, or thyroid cancer? We might throw our own pity party from time to time, but who wants to live in constant misery and not put up a fight? I had days where I was the cliche of sad songs, staring at the wall, staring at myself, crying, slamming my fists, you name it. I stopped myself from wallowing one step short of standing in the shower, while pressing my palms up against the tile as the water spilled over my face. It’s like, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE SEEN THAT IN A MOVIE? I’ve seen it ONE too many. At least I’ve never gotten on my knees and yelled WHYYYYY up into the sky, if that happened, I could never look at myself in the mirror ever again.
After a few days of wallowing, I would try to snap out of it. I pulled strength from my mom. I know, not too creative or clever. Just being honest. I could’ve said “Shakespeare” but nah, he didn’t do it for me…
My lovely mother insisted on coming with me to the County Hospital – and to go to county to support someone, that’s PURE LOVE. Some might say she’s controlling (and I would be the first one to say she is) but it’s cool, I got used to it. I was a nightmare to deal with, but she was always there for me even when I was biting heads off. I suppose that’s in the job description of being a mom, but I think I got lucky with mine.
Who was/is there for YOU through your disease? What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
This next part is just a bit of fun really – I live in Los Angeles and it’s about, oh, 150 degrees right now and I’ve been straddling my AC all week. As I was getting dressed yesterday I remembered how awful Graves made me feel in heat like this before RAI. The two years of being super hyper, I didn’t need a jacket in any cold weather and wore a tshirt all year long. I live in the valley, and it gets SUPER SICK HOT here in the summer because all the heat just gets trapped somehow (I am not a meteorologist or any sort of scientist, so don’t ask me how and why this happens).
Needless to say, if I needed to leave my house for those two summers (as I often did, you know, to get out into the world) I would be in a constant state of panic. I wore dark colors to mask the sweat. My flip flops were sweaty too, and if I put shoes and socks on my feet would get feverish.
The two items I couldn’t live without were baby powder and cotton underwear. I powdered my entire body to be the first line of defense, and even powdered the inside of my clothes. Have you ever seen a pair of white chalky flip flops? I walked around looking like a cocaine deal had gone awry. I did my best to ignore the paste that occurs when sweat overpowers the powder – by that point I was in my car and driving to my 2nd shower of the day.
I carried extra underwear in my bag if I was going to be gone for a long day – not ever for the purposes of getting lucky, cause that would be too much fun. Strictly for the purposes of changing into them at El Pollo Loco after the current pair would be soaked from sweat by NOON from the blistering heat. This disease is absolute bullshit I tell you! The only good part? I was thin enough to avoid the “fat girl thigh chaffing” that pops up from time to time in my life.
So yeah, once again, I air my dirty laundry (no pun intended) for all of you at DT. Well, it’s not really dirty laundry, but you know what what I’m sayin’….
You might think I’m a bit cranky right now, and guess what? You’d be right. For the past 3 weeks I have been on a calorie restriction and using a lot of exercise to try and take off some post-RAI weight. I will update you on how it’s going when I can pass the five pound mark, cause yeah, THAT HASN’T HAPPENED YET. My stomach has gotten a little flatter, but my hips are hanging onto cellulite for dear life. When I get frustrated with my efforts, all I want to do is break into the Cheesecake Factory and clear out their display case. Emotional eater much?
SOS, HELP, and xoxoxo,