Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Bitch n’ Moan Fest 2010
I’m having a hard time writing this week, and really, it’s been happening for a few weeks. Living in a funk, with a dash of gloom and doom. Depression? Probably. I’ve been living with good ol’ depresh for most of my life, so it doesn’t feel foreign to me. Also, could be that since I have no money to do anything fun – I’m getting cabin fever. How many times can you go to a fucking park before that gets old??? I’m turning into a hermit, and the crazy old lady kids across the street run from when they see me checking my empty mailbox. Nah, that won’t happen, the old lady usually lives in A HOUSE. I’m just living in a shitty apartment. Also, I never have an empty mailbox, it’s usually filled with medical bills that go unpaid.
I have a doctor’s appointment next week to get my thyroid levels checked ever since coming off Armour, and the whore on the phone told me to “bring cash since I have no insurance” with a touch of disdain in her voice. Anytime I call a doctor’s office and tell them I have no insurance, they seem to take that specific tone with me – like I’m at fault for something here. Sorry that I couldn’t DEMAND the underwriting department at Blue Cross take me on…therefore, I deserve to pay loads of cash outta my ass for blood tests and visits.
I’m forcing myself to go to this doctor, because I’ve been putting it off. I’m sick of doctors (shock, if you’ve ever read this column, YOU KNOW THIS). Last year, I’d had so much blood drawn in two weeks that my vein threw in the towel, and laid down as if to say “go fuck yourself and your constant blood tests”. If I don’t go to the doctor, then ignorance really IS bliss. If I don’t get my cholesterol tested, then I don’t really have high cholesterol, right? If I don’t get my thyroid levels tested, then everything will be fine. I was FINE before I started to go to doctors and became a part of the system and their stupid statistics.
Sick. Of. It. All. I wish all the money on my credit card was for more irresponsible purchases, but instead, the bulk of it is medical shit, vitamins, and the tons of food I had to eat while sick with Graves. The two things I bought that I didn’t need were a guitar ($300) and a trip to Chicago to visit my friend ($400ish, since I stayed with her). The rest of it was really, just for “my health”. So looking at all the debt I wracked up, I have NOTHING to show for it. I’ve been unemployed for over a year, and I wish that credit card debt was a trip to Europe…but instead, I was trying to be “responsible” and take care of my disease. I couldn’t go to Europe on a credit card while sick, could I? In hindsight, I should’ve skipped out on all those USELESS doctor appointments which amounted to NOTHING but me having to get RAI, and just taken a direct flight to Paris for a month.
(I promise this column gets uplifting in a few paragraphs…)
I’ve been keeping to myself these days as well, cause I have NO IDEA how to relate to people around me. Social situations right now are a nightmare, and don’t want to deal. Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? If I’m not making you want to jump off a cliff, I hope that you at least can relate. Which brings me to this:
If you haven’t taken a look at Melissa’s “Chronic Snarkopolist” column from this week, please do. Not only cause she’s just so brave and RAW with her feelings, but also, cause I had a thought…
Everyone I know right now seems to be just in a bad place. Maybe 2010 has cursed us all. Maybe Mercury really IS rising. (whatever that means, but I hear it from everyone whenever shit goes down). I don’t know what it is, but I want to fix it, before the holidays come around and I’m jumping off a roof with a shotgun and cake in my hands.
We’re all so supportive of one another here, and it’s genuine support that comes from compassion and understanding. What if…we just took a second to send some good thoughts to Melissa? Then send good thoughts to one another? How will that help, you ask? Well I’m imagining it goes something like this: When I wake up on Saturday morning, I’ll think about all of you that I know on here, and send YOU good thoughts and love – and then I’ll realize, maybe you woke up on Saturday morning and sent ME good thoughts and love…and the FREE LOVIN’ 60s start ALL OVER AGAIN! Maybe it’s a little reaching on my end, but F it, WHAT DO WE HAVE TO LOSE?
Joanna’s “Life Redefined” column this week is all about support and awareness, and she’s asking for us to take a moment to sign a petition for the Surgeon General to recognize thyroid cancer as a public health issue. If you can take a moment, please sign the petition.
Now, I’m asking us to sign a mental petition to one another. I’m calling it “Let’s BEND OVER Thyroid Disease and its Side Effects in 2010”. Maybe we can create a shift to get 2010 and its bullshit off our backs. It’s worth a shot, and it’ll only take a minute of your time. So, who is IN?
“Dear Thyroid, Ruler of Our Emotions, I would like you to please give insert DT Community Names Here a break from dealing with awful things, and give them a good day today. Thank you, your name.”
“Dear 2010, You Miserable Slag, I demand you stop being such an asshole to insert DT Community Names Here and wrap up your lame and evil plans. It’s already September, and they can only take so much. Thanks, your name.”
That wasn’t so hard now, was it? I mean, it’s ALREADY scripted for you! No fuss.
Sending the good vibes in a bit,