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My Bipolar Thyroid

Post Published: 07 September 2010
Author:
Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 13 responses. Leave a comment

This is my first submission so, here goes…..  My name is Jill and I have been recently diagnosed with both Graves and Hashimotos after many years of pain and misdiagnosis.  These are my thoughts and feelings currently.

My Dear Thyroid,

The greatest of criminals have all been named, or nicknamed, for various reasons which we have come to remember them. Influenced by the crimes they have committed or the clues they have left behind, these names define who and what they are for the world. Dear Thyroid, I dub thee my Bipolar Bandit. Sending me from one extreme (Graves) to the next (Hashimotos) you have reeked havoc in my life, and the lives of those around me. I feel you should pay.

But……….if only you were someone else.

You have spent so much time stealing the identities of other diseases and disorders to conceal yourself, and in the process have cost me my credibility to those I have sought help from. I have been drugged and left helpless to fight as I struggled to follow the clues to who you truly were. I have been kidnapped and taken hostage from the memory of my former self. You have stolen my strength and the faith I use to have in people. The admiration I use to have for the hardworking medical community is now gone.

As the nightstalker you crept into my bed, uninvited, and raped me of my sleep. Along with my sleep went my peace of mind, security and sanity. In the twisted way you work, you gave back my sleep just to take my strength. You have stalked your prey for quite some time and taken what you felt like.

You have assaulted me with immeasurable pain for which I struggle to make it through most days. You have lit a fire within me that I never new or imagined was possible and vandalized my being. You have acted in inexcusable ways that can never be taken back and caused pain on my family as they almost lost their wife and mother.

You ………….if only you were someone else

I am a victim of identity theft, fraud, defamation of character, petty theft, burglary, robbery, aggravated assault, simple assault, rape, larceny, arson, vandalism, loitering, disorderly conduct and attempted murder. I have been victimized to the point of no return. My life, and the lives of my family will forever be changed.

If you were only someone else, you would be held accountable for your crimes. A trial by jury, sentencing, justice, and peace of mind for the victims you took with the crimes you’ve committed. Unfortunately I am left to face my attacker every day. I am not at a point of acceptance or forgiveness, but have taken a familiar rode to many victims – revenge. Although not as quick or satisfying as a jail or death sentence, I swallow your poison every day and know I will wake up one day and not see you in the mirror.

Till then……

Jill

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13 Responses to “My Bipolar Thyroid”

  1. Amanda says:

    Jill,
    This letter is so powerful. It shows that you are in there fighting, and I believe your attacker doesn’t know who it is messing with. Your spirit is amazing and I love the point of view you chose here. I don’t know if I have ever read words more true…

    “I am a victim of identity theft, fraud, defamation of character, petty theft, burglary, robbery, aggravated assault, simple assault, rape, larceny, arson, vandalism, loitering, disorderly conduct and attempted murder.”

    Excellent.

    Thank you for writing, and I hope you feel the power that this letter will bring you.

    Amanda xxoo

    • jillautumn says:

      Amanda,

      Thanks so much. One I was able to get a grasp on what was happening, I truly felt (and feel) like I’ve been victimized. I am trying to use the energy of being violated to fight back. Thanks for reading.

      -Jill

  2. @MrsLJHall says:

    Hi Jill,

    Sorry to hear that it has taken so long for you to get a diagnosis – but I’m glad that you are kicking your thyroid’s proverbial butt!

    Hope you feel a lot better soon

    Lisa xx

    • jillautumn says:

      Lisa,

      Thanks so much for reading. I truly think that the length of time is took for me to be properly diagnosed is just inexcusable. I’ve learned a lot a long the way though and I hope to be feeling better soon.

      -Jill

  3. Linny says:

    Jill, How well I know this enemy. Thank you for sharing your attack….together in spirit we may just win this battle of ours. I too have lost those closest to me. I am finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel but I doubt even with improved health I will ever be able to mend the damage that this villian as caused me.
    Alias I know the truth along with others like yourself. We together will bond like a family and recount our honisty. Together we may finally reach the light of day and our truths will ring out accross all the dark places of the world and it will be an awy ha moment.
    The news will travel I dream, and our loved ones will finally know how we were raped and victomized by a villian that lies and ruins lives.
    Hopefully we will be alive to witness this miracle I can only dream of.
    The Dr’s all ashamed , the family knowing and our dignity denied us will be restored.
    Much love to you, hang on sister, Linny

    • jillautumn says:

      Linny,

      Thanks so much for reading. I agree with you – The doctors should be ashamed. There should be some way that primary care doctors can be educated on better testing and detecting thyroid disease, since they are the front runners to detect something. The years that I spent doctor hopping and being misdiagnosed are disguisting.

      As for the relationships I have lost a long the way, whether they be friend or family, they weren’t worth the energy anyways. Life is too short to surround yourself by idiots!

      I love you all.

      -Jill

  4. HDinOregon says:

    Jill,

    Great letter! Great spirit!! Fight on!!

    {{{ Hugs }}}
    HD

    • jillautumn says:

      HD,

      Thanks so much for reading and for your support. The hugs are well needed!

      -Jill {{{sending hugs back your way}}}

  5. Lori says:

    Jill – I love your letter. Yes, you are a victim of an awful crime. It’s horrible what you have been through and continue to go through but keep your eye on the light because you will reach it and you will begin to build your life anew post-thyhavoc to the best you can be.

    I don’t think we are ever the same, I know I’m not and never will be, and I still shed tears over the misunderstanding of people in my life but you have to grieve and move on because it only holds us back. Please don’t feel bad or guilty about something that was not your fault.

    You have a fighting spirit, you can do it!!!

    • jillautumn says:

      Thanks for reading Lori. I know that I will never be the same but I am thankful for the things that I have learned about myself throught this adventure.

      -Jill

  6. Lolly says:

    Jill,

    Powerful imaginative letter that brings home how devastating being attacked Can be… YES you were molested but not by your thyroid but gang raped by those pesky antibodies that saw your thyroid as the enemy and started the onslaught, you were an innocent bystander caught in the middle a witness to the act and then you became involved through no fualt of your own, into the nightmare that surrounded you.

    Now that you know what has happened and how to deal with it you can have thycounselling to come to terms with this terrible dastardly deed that leaves you with nightmares or no fooking sleep at all. Len on your thysistas/bro’s because they have been were you are now and lived to tell the tale.

    You do have a fighting spirit things wil get better they may never be the same as before just different, reinvent the new sexy you.

    Loved your letter.

    Lolly xoxoxo

    • jillautumn says:

      Hey Lolly,

      I am definitely in need of a reinvention and can’t wait to get started. I am truly grateful to have found you all here at DT. I felt alone and had not met or spoken to one single person that had been wronged by their thyroid. DT has given me hope.

      Thank you all.

      -Jill

  7. Linny says:

    Dear Jill, I got your personal message xxxx but I am not set up yet, I’m going to have my son help me. Hopefully he will have time soon. Thank you.

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