We Are At The Beginning Of Change…
Wednesday September 28th 2016

Archives

It’s A Plane, It’s a Bird, IT’S THYROIMAN

Post Published: 09 September 2010
Author:
Category: Dear Thyroid Letters
This post currently has 5 responses. Leave a comment

Dear Thyroid,

Remember our 30th birthday…the big three-oh?  The one where we’d just moved 5,000 miles to a new city, had met only one person who invited us out with his friends, and that went horribly wrong and ended in the Emergency Room?  The one followed by the misery of a sweaty hot summer with the left arm in a full cast and being forced to re-learn how to do everything with only one hand?  Oh, it was horrible.  I was so frustrated, and angry.  I felt like a shambles, at time reduced to tears for the first time since I was a child because I could not do even some of the simplest of things that I’d always done for myself…or because I had no job, no health insurance, and unimaginable medical bills.  And then it all went wrong again, and had to be repeated… with surgery!  Oh, woe!  Eventually everything turned out okay, but for five long months I felt like I might as well as had my arm chopped off.  I was desperate, so desperate…

That experience changed me.  And it’s because of that experience that I understand.  It’s because of that experience that I understand how you feel now.

For ten long years I have blamed you for my misery.  I blamed you for making me fat, for making me not care, for making me tired, for making me grouchy.  I blamed you when I came “this close’ to losing my job because I can’t get up in the morning.  I blamed you for all the crap in life.  All of it.

All along you’ve been working, sort of…  making T3 just fine but unable to produce T4, and for no apparent reason.  You’re a thyroid with only one functioning arm, the other hobbled by factors beyond your control.  And you’ve cried in frustration, screamed and yelled for help, and despaired at your failure to do the job you just want to do.  Just like I did that summer.  Believe me, I know that despair!  But I never listened to you.  A decade has gone by and I didn’t hear what you were trying to tell me.  But this summer, I’ve heard your voice for the first time.  I actually listened.  Now I know what’s really going on, what’s really happening, and what’s really to blame.

But Thyroid, I don’t think I’ve ever said I’m sorry to you.  I’m sorry for blaming you when it wasn’t your fault.  I’m sorry for all the grief and anger and rage and hatred I’ve spewed at you for so long.  When those emotions subsided, I’m sorry I was so indifferent to you, and to your own suffering.  Your suffering is my suffering, but all I saw was my suffering.  I know (now) that you never meant to hurt me, things just went unexpectedly wrong…. like on that birthday.  I am sorry, Thyroid.

I don’t know what the future will bring, but I know that things, unexpected things, continue to go wrong.  So much has gone wrong already and I’m only about half-way through my life expectancy.  Although I sincerely hope it does not happen, I am becoming resigned to the fact that there is an increasing probability that The Doctors will decide you must be removed.  If that happens, I will grieve for your loss and the hole left behind.  I talk to you like you’re a separate entity, but you’re not… you’re me.  They say misery loves company.  We’re in this together, you and I. Till death or thyroidectomy do us part.

—Mike is 37 years old, excessively introspective today, and has had the nobody-knows-why type of hypothyroidism for the past 10 years.  He’s the only guy he knows with this disease.  (He also has six screws and a metal plate in his left arm.)  His Twitter account is titled “Mind Static” because, well, you know… brain fog. Twitter.

Be Sociable, Share!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Follow Dear Thyroid on Twitter/@DearThyroid | See our Facebook Page | Become a Fan on Facebook | Join our Facebook Group

You Can Create a Dear Thyroid Profile and share with friends!

Reader Feedback

5 Responses to “It’s A Plane, It’s a Bird, IT’S THYROIMAN”

  1. Lori says:

    Mike – GREAT letter! As you said, very introspective! I feel the same way and have apologized to my thyroid. I get angry at the symptoms but never my thyroid. I’m grateful I still have it even though it can’t work properly on its own. I still grieved for my thyroids loss of function but I know it’s not the same as having it taken from us, which is an even deeper loss. I hope you don’t have to grieve the loss of your thyroid but we never really know what the future holds, as I think we have all come to learn, things can change in an instant.

    I also have hardware in my body to hold skeletal structures together and have been through physical limitations so I know how debilitating it is to one’s life. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your arm and I hope you were able to get good function back.

    Thanks for another great letter. All the best to you and your thyroids future as a team!

    Lori

  2. Donna says:

    Hi Mike,

    Loved your letter, thanks for writing it. I hope you and your thyroid get situated and working in harmony somehow. How frustrating!

    I think we all have made the mistake of taking our health for granted, I did for sure. My thyroid and I have been separated for close to 4 years and I miss us because together we were a pretty good combination. I hope there is a better alternative for you but if you do have it removed please remember that lots of people do well if their thyroid meds are the right dose.

    Take care, good luck with everything. My best to you.

    Donna

  3. HDinOregon says:

    Hello Mike,

    Great letter! Very sad and moving story. Thanks for sharing!

    Donna is right, we too often take our health for granted. Only when we are confronted with the things that can (and sometimes will) go wrong, do we see it as what it is, namely a part of us, and a part of life.

    As we grow older (and for some that starts at a rather earlier age) unfortunately things the body machine will start to sputter. Shit will happen. Wear and tear will make things go clunk in us.

    I wish you luck and patience with your body, especially your thyroid troubles. If you do have it out, I am sure you’ll find a way to live with that (I do!).

    Take care mate!
    HD in Oregon

  4. Lolly says:

    Hi Mike,

    Great letter, I hope your arm is functioning better than it was, even with all the hardware. It’s amazing how we do adapt when we have too, you had to learn to use your other hand while this one was immobilised, I was lucky that I am ambidextrous even though writing with my left took longer and wasn’t a pretty sight.

    If you do have to have your thyroid removed you will learn to adapt just like I have and am still doing so, haven’t quite got there yet, still grieve for my thyroid.

    Good luck.

    Lolly

  5. Dee says:

    hi mike,

    loved your letter …it gave me a new prospective

    ” For ten long years I have blamed you for my misery. I blamed you for making me fat, for making me not care, for making me tired, for making me grouchy. I blamed you when I came “this close’ to losing my job because I can’t get up in the morning. I blamed you for all the crap in life. All of it.”

    thank you for sharing your story …and hope that you wouldn’t need surgery

    Dee

Leave a Reply

Comments are moderated in an effort to control spam. If you have a previously approved Comment, this one should go right through. Thanks for your patience!