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Friday November 23rd 2018


Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Reflections of a Grave Procrastinator

Post Published: 07 January 2011
Category: Column, Fat Thigh Roid Woes, Graves Disease Symptoms Column
This post currently has 10 responses. Leave a comment

How often do you spend everyday of your life doing what you want to do, and away from obligations or responsibilities? When you die, do you want your headstone to say “had a great work ethic”?

Happy New Year everyone!

Although I’m remaining positive that this year will be amazing, on January 1st I heard some sad news.  A friend from college passed away in his sleep on the 31st.  While we all drifted apart over the years and I hadn’t seen him since college, it’s still a terrible tragedy to hear of someone so young passing away.

He did have some autoimmune related health problems (what’s that like?) however, these issues don’t directly explain his death – so an autopsy is pending.  On Sunday night a group of us gathered to hear about how our friend spent his last day on earth…

Working an 11 hour shift at a shitty touristy chain restaurant.

AND…let the 2011 existential crisis BEGIN.  Life is meaningless.  Life is absurd.

After his shift ended he apparently left in a bad mood (no doubt from the crappy tips) and met up with his girlfriend for the evening.  His night progressively got better – they went to a bar and listened to a jazz band play then left to get some food.

Oh, here was the “good news” reported to us –

They left the bar somewhere around 12:30am, went to drive thru and ordered two western bacon cheeseburgers and apparently they were the “best cheeseburgers he’d ever eaten.  The bacon was really crisp and that never happens.”

Besides his death, what is more tragic – working an 11 hour shift at a shitty restaurant on your last day of living, or getting thrilled over the “crisp bacon” on a cheeseburger?

I guess it’s the little things…


After he finished his 2nd burger (which was apparently was just as amazing as the first) they hung out and went to sleep.  His girlfriend had heard him snoring abnormally around 3:30am, so she nudged him to turn over and then a bit later she noticed he wasn’t breathing.  She tried to revive him but at that point he was gone, the ambulance showed up and then he’s taken off in a body bag.  From chowing down two burgers and loving the “crisp bacon” to being dead in a matter of three hours.

This kind of story makes me want to take out a credit card with a 10k limit and go buck wild.  Why am I sitting at my job, why am I cleaning my house, why am I grocery shopping, why am I doing laundry before it overflows, WHY am I doing all these things I don’t really wanna FUCKING do EVER?

Why am I procrastinating on enjoyment, but taking care of responsibilities in a timely fashion?

I set my intentions for 2011, and at the top of the list I have “take a stunt driving course.” I looked into it, and a weekend stunt driving course with one of the best schools is $1200. I’m trying to pay off my bills, but really, something inside of me wants to just CHARGE IT and do donuts in a shitty Ford Focus.

Here is the rub:  All of us here know and realize the value of life thanks to not being completely healthy.  When you’ve been sick, you’re supposed to appreciate health and life more…right?

My friend had been in the hospital before, and he was always sickly.  What possessed him to eat two double cheeseburgers at 12:30am?  My choices now that I’ve been sick don’t point to that, but I guess we all make our exceptions…mine are cake and cookies.

Then again, it doesn’t just relate to food.  What choices do you make to ENJOY and LIVE instead of hearing words like…RESPONSIBILITY and LEVEL-HEADED and SHIT TOGETHER?

Tired of going through the motions.  I pay rent, I ignore my medical bill phone calls, I pay my household bills, I buy healthy food, I avoid eating a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, I force myself to eat oatmeal, etc…I do about 95% of the things I’m supposed to do, yet FUN is always lacking…it’s almost there but not quite.

I move that we all do ONE completely irresponsible yet FUN thing in 2011.  At least one.  Mine will be to purchase stunt driving classes.

Life is too short.  You know what it is to be sick.  Stop procrastinating on FUN.  Leave your house, go out, and don’t even do anything for “relaxing” or “selfish time” or any of it.  Do something completely stupid and idiotic, teenager style.

**I am not responsible for any mess you may land yourself in, nor will I bail you out of jail.  Have fun telling your friends you were in jail for a weekend for stealing a golf cart.

I realize it’s impossible to “live each day as your last” and whoever said that was right but not realistic.  I’m willing to live each weekend like it’s my last though, cause that is somewhat attainable.  I’m going to start naming Saturdays as the day for “last” everything.

Who will join me in this?

Let’s do it before it comes down to working an 11 hour shift at a shitty restaurant, and finding our final joy in crisp bacon.

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10 Responses to “Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Reflections of a Grave Procrastinator”

  1. Amen! I totally agree Nicole. Take time to have stupid fun, wild crazy fun: any type of happy fun! We all have been through it, even if we’re still going through it, so important to just stop this crazy roller coaster ride and have some ridiculous fun. It’s never good to look back with regrets. Start living with happy fun in our lives and there will be no regrets on the way out.

    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Lisa,

      You said it sista! No regrets, don’t want them.

      Tomorrow morning I’m going to grab a cheese bagel and add more cream cheese to it. Why? Because it’s one of my fave breakfasts and I NEVER eat it cause I always feel guilty. But F IT, I love it, I want it, I NEED it. Here is to living a little!



  2. Amanda says:

    I am sorry for the loss of your friend. It always makes life seem meaningless when we lose someone, and I know it is somehow worse around the New Year holiday.

    In my opinion, you have been “stunt driving” for quite a while… I have read you talking about driving in LA. Blahhhh. I panic in my tiny town, with one main street and 3 stop lights. But take the class, you can probably show them a thing or two.

    Just remember, every time you go out with your camera and “see” things, you are living. When you cook, you are living. The other stuff.. paying bills and working for the man… that is just noise. I work 10-11 hour days, but it isn’t my life. My life is what I do with “MY” time. I make the most of it, my way.

    Take care and have some fun.


    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Amanda,

      You’re absolutely right, and thank you for putting it in perspective. It’s a battle to remind oneself that what we DO for a living doesn’t necessarily define US. It’s been something I struggle with, and possibly because I live in one of the most superficial cities on the planet. I just feel like “I’m 32, I need to have accomplished X,Y AND Z” and when I haven’t, it’s deflating.

      Baby steps I suppose. I admire your ability to make these distinctions so easily, run a household while working a full time job, and keep a level head while dealing with Graves shit. You’re a superhero!

      PS – I DO drive like a maniac as it is, and most people go ghost white while riding in my car. I’m not a bad driver, just aggressive. I am usually the dickhead who will pull around a car going 25mph and go “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?”



      • Amanda says:


        …..”I just feel like “I’m 32, I need to have accomplished X,Y AND Z” and when I haven’t, it’s deflating.”…That is deflating, we all do it. Make an ongoing list of what you have accomplished, any of the things you have done or lived through that make you smile. When you get that “I haven’t lived” feeling, whip that little list out and look at it. It will help, I know… I do it.


  3. Michele says:

    Love this!!! You are so right… We spend most of our time doing the same ground-hog type things everyday, and where is the zest, and happiness? My -thing for this year is to travel- I want to fly over the Grand Canyon… I will probably let some bill go, in order to do this, but really who cares??

    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Michele,

      DO IT. If that’s something you’ve been wanting to do, just make it happen. Please let me know when you book these plans!

      Btw, when we die, I doubt our bills will be a fucking problem…so who really gives a shit?

      Traveling is another thing on the agenda, and I regret not leaving for 3 months after college and going wild. What stopped me? “I should probably get a job” and “I have no money to go anywhere”. FUCK MY SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.



  4. Lolly says:

    Nicole sorry for your loss you are so right live each day as if it were your last.

    I may just take you up on stealing a golf cart and doing my stunt driving round the course finishing at the 19th hole. If I get arrested I’m pointing them in your direction and your column so that you spend your second wish looking at four walls screaming shouting coming from the next rooms and the sound of Keys jangling and heavy footsteps approaching as you driving instructor tells you, the cars a wreck the building you crashed into was the White House and they are none too pleased. but at least you got to meet the president.

    Happy New Year!!!


    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Lolly,

      You crazy and wild lady, I’ll be happy to take the fall. Sometimes I do things “just for a story”. You might find it hard to believe….but I have plenty of stories.

      Let me know what happens when you get out of jail, and if you had any good prison meals.



  5. Lolly says:

    Dear Nicole,

    You can be my fall guy.

    I can believe it because I love a good situation comedy and the best stories come from life experiences. So as I’ve just been recently released i have no wish to taste prison food it sucks. If you like porridge that sticks to the spoon by all means you can have my en suite had my own toilet ( John, Latrine) a potty with a lid, running water cos the radiator was leaking and a sprung mattress (in other words springs sticking out) Enjoy Niks cos your Nicked!!!!!:-)


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