Chronic Snarkopolist: Life is Risky
Hello my loves!
This has been a difficult yet victorious week for so many people. This has been a week of loss, of pain, of self-discovery and of worry. I’ve heard stories of frustration, fear, and being dismissed. And mostly, I’ve been amazed at how powerful we all are as we keep on.
Sometimes training for a marathon is the next logical step in our health and sometimes getting out of bed is a victory. We never know quite where anyone is on our individual paths.
Again and again older people have advised me, “Risk, Melissa, take more risk. If I could do it again, I would take more risk.” I never know if they mean emotionally or financially, or with their physical being – but for me, I have lived a low risk life because I have felt so vulnerable in all other areas. I have plotted and planned out my life. And now I’m beginning to understand what taking risks means. Reaching out, offering love. And sometimes it gets rejected and hurts. And sometimes it means it gets accepted and feels good. And yes- it means that I myself need to believe that I can heal, as a person, emotionally, and physically. I am looking at what it means to HEAL from the inside out.
I once had a doctor who was formerly an NP who practiced in developing countries. It changed how he perceived health and wellness. He was much more likely to see people as whole and healing rather than as simply in need of medication. When I was feeling low once, he said to me, “You should go into that area of darkness and investigate it. If you are still there in a few months, we can look further into it.” But he didn’t freak out about a little depression. He allowed for me to FEEL FULLY what I was feeling. To sit with it for a while, have tea with it.
On a similar note, my currently therapist and I were speaking about how down I have been and she said something, “I must ask, are you able to deal with your feelings?” I replied that I can cope, but I simply don’t like to feel so deeply. Of course, FEELING DEEPLY is exactly what emotional healing is about. I pointed it out and we agreed that as long as I felt capable of continuing to manage through life, I am making a choice to do so. This is not a discussion of depression, but of two times in my life where I have walked into healing moments that didn’t FEEL GOOD but where I came out VICTORIOUS.
There are dark times – plenty of them, both in good health and in bad. When people are chronically ill we remind people of illness and must sometimes deal with THEIR BAGGAGE, but we also deal with our own crap more. We deal with smaller issues being a bigger deal. Things that might not be such a big deal- like training for a marathon become monumental. And sometimes, things like getting out of bed sometimes feel like scaling a mountain.
When everyday life issues such as emotional health, romantic issues, or financial issues creep up, they ad enormous complexity to our already burdensome physical health issues. And yet, we much choose to scale the mountain, to train for the marathon. We must decide to get out of bed everyday. We must RISK LIFE.
I would love to know what you think! How do you deal with your life risks? How do you handle your setbacks, your fears, and your pains? How do you handle “real feelings” that arise? Are you more or less high or low risk tolerant because of illness? I would love to know what you do to celebrate your successes and to give yourself gold stars throughout your daily stamina that are everyday living! Tell me! I must know!
I’ll be back same time next week! Kiss kiss!
Tags: chronic snarkopolist: Life is Risky, finding support for chronic illness, managing health risks, navigating chronic illness, stories of frustration and fear, stories of inner strength, stories of loss pain and self discovery