Be All You Can Be – The Cancer
You may be gone, and have been so for a while now, but the memory of you lingers on. Or maybe it might be more accurate to say that your legacy remains.
For many years you and I lived together. Neither really was too aware of the other but we relied on one another and couldn’t have gone on without the special bond we shared. All this was brought to an end when you began to change. You started doing things you weren’t supposed to do and went places you shouldn’t have been. I began to feel as if you were choking me. I couldn’t breathe. Something had to be done.
It was January 2009 when you and I parted company, or so I thought. It seemed you didn’t really want to go, so in February there was another attempt to remove you from my life. But despite the best attempts of those there to support me through this ordeal, you were persistent and refused to acknowledge the need for you to go.
For a while we continued to co-exist, but me and others around me knew that this could not be allowed to go on for too long. So in June, with an extra boost of assistance, there was another attempt to rid you from my life. Again, you proved too stubborn, and steadfastly refused to be eradicated from being a part of my life.
Again we lived our lives together, me only tolerating you being a part of it, armed with the knowledge that my support system would not allow this situation to continue indefinitely.
It was in August that there was a long intervention, aimed at finally removing all traces of you. Despite the fact this intervention was 11 hours long, with plenty of extra time spent trying to strengthen me after the event, as well. You still remained. Your effect was greatly reduced at this point but you still lingered.
This was not what was wanted but you proved too strong and began to gain strength the longer you were left to keep going. So another long intervention, though not as long as the last one, took place in October 2009. Though each time was successful, to a degree, you again remained, hanging on and not wanting us to part.
I needed time to recover from all we had been through at this point, so I was left in peace till January 2010 when the longest battle began to weaken your hold on me. There were tears, fears, sleeplessness and restlessness. There were times when I couldn’t eat or drink but I made it through and came out on the other side a much stronger person.
And this time, you finally weakened. Over the following weeks you continued to lose strength, bit by bit. It was April 2010 when I found that you were gone. It was a happy day for me and those around me. I gave thanks to those who had supported me throughout the long battle of trying to remove you from my life.
I had hoped that this happiness would be never ending, but that was not your way. Over time you have slowly been trying to fight your way back. For now, you are not winning the battle to return but I know how strong you are. I know that it will probably only be a matter of time till you are back in my life. And there will be little I can do about it. But from what has been happening, it seems you are still very weak. This gives me hope that, if you and I do need to co-exist again in the future, that this weakness will make it easier to live with you.
Till then, all I can say is, I enjoyed the time we did have together until you began to change. I won the battle to get rid of you once, and will do so again, when the time is right. Until then, we can live in harmony but I will be in charge. I can breathe deeply for the first time in so long and I never want to give that up again. So return, if you will, but never again will I let you rule my life. I am stronger than you now.
Written by: Tracy Lloyd
(Bio) An Australian, married to a wonderful man, have 3 lovely sons (all grown). Diagnosed with thyroid cancer early 2009. 3 major surgeries, 2 RAIs and external beam radiation, now in remission – but numbers are slowly increasing – but remaining hopeful and strong!
Tags: Dear Thyroid Letters, feeling choked by thyroid, letters from thyroid cancer patients, letters written to thyroids, living side-by-side with cancer, multiple partial thyroidectomies, multiple thyroid surgeries, strong support systems, thyroid cancer blog, thyroid cancer forum, thyroid cancer support, thyroid patient journeys with thyroid cancer