Dear Thyroid^TM

Written by T – Hypothyroid Patient

Dear Thyroid,

Because of you I spend my day looking and researching for ways to make myself feel better. I first gave notice to you when I was in my 30’s, and now 20 years later you still haunt me. I recognized that you were not being a friend to me when I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings and all I really wanted to do was sleep the day away. But I had to hold down a full time job as a home health nurse and the bills had to be paid. I discovered you after researching what could be making me feel so bad.

Not being one that just ran to the doctor for everything, I tried to fix me, but nothing was working so I finally dragged myself to see a doctor. I told him that I was sure that I had a problem with you, hypothyroidism. My hair was falling out. I was too tired to get out of bed. I had no appetite, but was very much overweight. Obese to say the least.

The doctor took some blood and tested your function. My TSH was a whopping 76! No wonder I felt awful! He began me on Synthroid in which I did begin to feel so much better.

But because of you not behaving as you should in my body, I will battle being overweight for the rest of my life. I will battle being in the proper ranges of T3, T4 and TSH for the rest of my life. I will constantly be fighting symptoms and trying to figure out “why”. I will always be looking for solutions to fix the many everlasting problems you cause.

You are always trying to get the best of me and think there are some doctors that like it that way. That is why they prescribe synthroid to those who do not respond to it, as is my case. After being on Synthroid for several years and changing doctors for various reasons, I requested to be able to try Armour Thyroid. And it made a world of difference. I must have started not being able to convert T4 to T3 (or is it the other way around?). Whichever it is, you, my dear thyroid are a constant reminder that you cause turmoil.

It was the middle of last year that I had to change doctors once again, because mine was leaving town. And I chose one that did not believe in Armour Thyroid. I’m sure it is a “money” thing. He didn’t give a hoot that I would not feel better on it, and oh, by the way, my dosage was needing to be changed. For some odd reason my TSH had been within range for a long time, but it began to be very low—almost nonexistent at something like .003. I was having awful symptoms. I was losing hair like crazy, wanting to sleep all the time, heart palpitations, tired, no appetite. The only one that wasn’t an obvious hypothyroid symptom was my heart feeling funny. I only have that when you’re overactive. But no luck losing weight, either.

So I finally started going to another doctor who had no problem putting me on Armour. I was so depressed, my hair kept falling out, and I suffered from muscle cramps with the smallest movement. I had no appetite but I was putting on more pounds. I knew that my levels were still not right. But since being changed to Armour, I am feeling much better and less depressed. And by the way, my new doctor did confirm that some doctors along with the pharmaceutical companies pushed synthroid because of not having control of the”natural” thyroid. In other words they don’t make money on it, the bottom line.

I know I will always be at battle with you. You are the thorn in my side. But I will not go down without a fight. I am on constant watch for new procedures that will defeat your fight to put me out of balance. Oh my dear thyroid, look out! I’m on a mission to put you back in your place and have you to be behaving once again.

Signed,

T

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How long have you dealt with your thyroid problems, diagnosed and undiagnosed? Did you know there was something wrong long before you went to the doctor, but couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was? What proactive measures do you take to fight back? Let “T” and all of us in the thyamily know in comments!

Thanks to Joanna Isbill, we’re bringing Marco Thylo back; our thyroid humor column. The name “Marco Thylo” was coined by @HypoGirl.

On the first Saturday of every month, Joanna Isbill and I will be writing Marco Thylo. We’ll be taking the top 10 searches from the previous month and writing our snarky responses. Why? Because life in the Gland Canyon can get a little intense, we need a laugh, a little relief from our thyrama.

Written by Joanna Isbill

Babes taking a piss on poise pads: Are bringing sexy back?

Doctors who ate specialists: Well that explains where all the good endocrinologists have gone.  Dr. Cannibalarella, you are the bane of our existence!

Farmer Wisconsin thyroid:  What, was hell going to freeze over before our endos informed us there is a farmer in Wisconsin growing thyroids?!  And I thought I was going to have to live without a thyroid for the rest of my life.  Darlin’, you just give me a call when it’s harvest time and I’ll shoot up to Wisconsin to pick up my gland.  Now will you have a curbside market, or should I just knock on your front door?

How many years does a thyroid patient leave: Well, sugar britches, that just depends.  If the doctor ate her endocrinologist, she might never come back.  But if our farmer in Wisconsin harvests that crop of thyroids soon, you go ahead and turn the front porch light on and get ready to welcome home your long lost lover.

Glazed and confused my gym partner is a monkey:  Honey, we’re glazed and confused, too, but it’s not because we have monkeys for gym partners.  It’s because many of us spend days at the gym, just think about a Big Mac, and gain ten pounds.  Why don’t you leave the monkey at home with the ganja that you are clearly smoking and invest in a human trainer?  Mm k, pumpkin?

Written by Katie Schwartz

Sweat dripping breasts erotical: What hyperthyroid or Graves’ patient wouldn’t agree: profuse, uncontrollable sweaty breasts to the point of needing to change shirts 3-4 times a day isn’t hot, hot, hot?! Even better when paired with their hearts pounding out of their chests, it sure is erotical. Boy, I tell you, speaking from experience, those days were awesome; why just getting out of bed would yield buckets of sweat, enough to be the envy of any third world country in need of a little H2o. By the way, I hate to be a pain in the ass, but erotical isn’t a word. Erotically and erotic are words.

Ate tuna sandwich thyroid imaging with uptake: Dude, you were allowed to eat during your scan and tuna no less?! Would love the name of your shitendo—def want to pass his/her name along to other patients. Really knows his/her stuff. Must be at the top of their game, yo! Really savvy.

Docs fucking patients: Like this is new?! Shrinks have been bangin’ their patients for years. Not all, just a select few. The ones who really care about their patients overall wellbeing, so sweet, right?

Endo pain every day: In my rectal gland.

Freakish vaginas: Word to the Graves’ girls! That’s right; our snatch packages are riddled in polka dots. Wanna bend me?

Care to add your humorous thyroid touch to this week’s column?

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Next Sunday, How To Kick Your Thyroid’s Ass will be back.

Thyrants for the Week

Facebook/Twitter

Ana Prpic: I don’t know which is worse, for weeks I was sleeping 9,10, 11 hours and still was tired, past few days I sleep 5 or 6 hours and have so much trouble falling asleep. It’s both sad and funny

Anita Roberts: I’m all over the damn place right now. Last week it was heart palpasaurus, exhaustion and lotsa sleeping, including naps, hair fall. This week it’s fitful sleep, tight throat, rough skin, joint pain. CRAP!! And I was doing so well. Guess my Hashi’s is on the attack again. Pisses me off. I’ve lost weight tho. Weird.

Kathleen Taylor: my focus is terrible. I can’t even focus on one thing at a time, never mind more than that

Christinah84: Having one of my slo-mo days. Everything seems to take forever and I constantly forget what I was about to do.

ARTIBILITY: Ok…here goes. I hate when I am freezing cold… and it is 75. I hate when my hair falls out & I have somewhere to go. OK it 4 now

Glandside Adventures

@HypoGirl of HypoGirl.com has created a wonderful podcast, her first, chronicling her experiences with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. In her podcast she covers symptoms, her feelings related to her symptoms and fears regarding her future. You must give it a listen! We’re very proud of the girl.

@Kairol, Thyroid Cancer Patient and Patient Advocate, and author of “Everything Changes”, is doing a book reading and happy hour in San Francisco co-sponsored by “I’m Too Young for This”. It’s going to be a glandarific time! If you live in the Bay Area, you simply must head over and meet Kairol. Here are the details.

We’re resurrecting an oldie but a goody later on today, “Marco Thylo”, written by Katie Schwartz and Joanna Isbill. Stay tuned, more dish coming from the Gland Canyon later.

In case you missed “Why We Write Letters To Our Thyroids” this morning, give it a read and let us know what you think. We hope to see more letters and literary things from you in the coming weeks!

Love,

Us

The idea of writing a letter to a body part or an MIA body part seems… well, odd; at least it did to me until (at the many heights of my disease) writing to my thyroid was one of a handful of things that saved me.

Our tales of life in the Gland Canyon need to be told in as many letters as we feel it takes.

We spend so much time talking about our glands, to our doctors, friends, family and ourselves.

We never actually talk to them, and let them know what they’ve done to us—good or bad, regardless of incident; telling our gland, essentially our disease what it has done to us or for us, or taken from us, or given to us, is both cathartic and healing; for ourselves and our fellow members of the Jacked Thyroid Club.

We learn from each other. We realize that we’re not as alone as we thought we were. Our symptoms, though frightening and isolating to us, are removed from the closet and dropped into the world where they belong.

When we share our comments about each letter and when authors of letters respond to those comments, we grow as a community.

Letters and comments remind us of our strength, our ability to persevere and engage about something that has forever changed our lives. Additionally, our letters and comments create awareness for thyroid diseases and thyroid cancers.

When we share our stories, we put our doctors on notice; by extending gratitude for the good work they’ve done, or telling them where they’ve failed us. Similarly, when we come together, we are that much closer to attaining a greater good; hopefully lobbying for funds for a cure for thyroid autoimmune diseases and thyroid cancers, as well as funding for research and education to improve OUR QUALITY OF LIVES and educate those who don’t even know they have a thyroid problem, but are barely surviving, desperate to figure out what the hell is wrong with them.

As Mary Shomon wrote on Thyroid Awareness Month: “59 million Americans have thyroid problems, it turns out that the majority of you who have a thyroid problem don’t even know it yet!. You haven’t been diagnosed. You’re not being treated. You may not even know what or where the thyroid is!”

On that note: Write your hearts out! Submit Dear Thyroid Letters, poems, haikus, songs, paragraphs, whatever you want, and as many literary things as you want to submit. Bring us together. Fight for change and drag yourself kicking and screaming out of the thyloset. If you’re not ready to write a letter, share your thyroid story in pictures.

Update: As a community, we have written over 80MM words. Keep writing and let’s hit another 80MM words and more. WOW… That took my wig off.

Love,

Katie