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Monday December 31st 2018


Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Inequality is the Spice of Life

Post Published: 21 January 2011
Category: Column, Fat Thigh Roid Woes, Graves Disease Symptoms Column
This post currently has 8 responses. Leave a comment

I went to a show over the weekend, and I saw a famous drummer perform with his new(ish) band.

Back in the 80s this guy was an addict.  It’s now 2011 and the addiction hasn’t ceased.  He looks fairly terrible for his age, however, he’s frequents a local bar around 10am on a daily basis so that’s to be expected.

It’s a fine line with rock stars…they’re expected to be shooting up left and right, then somewhere along the line the public demands a stint in rehab, and then that expectation turns to an E! True Hollywood Story about some sort of recovery and redemption.

Apparently, their lives are supposed arc, just like a character in a movie.  If they don’t follow that path, people either lose interest or you have weirdos that feign concern over the well being of someone they’ve never met aside from holding a CD in their hands.
I love all things ROCK, so if they want to keep showing up drunk to concerts and falling on the stage – that’s fine with me.  I read the Motley Crue autobiography (yes, I surely did) and the bassist, Nikki Sixx, was DEAD for a few minutes from a heroin overdose.  Once he was revived, he left the hospital, got a ride from some fans, and headed home to shoot up once more.  After I read that, I put down my book and had myself a good chuckle.

It’s not my life, and if he wants to go out in a blaze of glory – F IT, more power to him.  Rock would be boring without dudes that insane.  That story fascinates me.  People might talk of wasting talent, but these guys have almost lived an insane amount of fun in their sometimes short lives (if they remember any of it).

I haven’t yet reached my point, and the proceeding paragraphs are almost tricking you…my point is:


Nikki Sixx STILL looks great, after treating his body like shit for years and years.  I have yet to hear about him developing cancer or some other disease.  What a dickhead.

Nikki Wells has never shot a needle into her arm, nor has she binged on booze (beyond the normal “I’m DRUNK” Saturday night here and there).  She woke up covered in her own urine not as a result of a wild party, but because Graves sometimes made her pee the bed like a child.

The sooner we all realize that while “we are what we eat” we also have to factor in:

Equal parts of variety and fairness DO NOT equal any resemblance to the spice of life.  Maybe, if you just take “variety” on it’s own, and sub drugs in the “variety” category…then perhaps you’ll get some equation that makes sense.  I dunno, I am not a math genius but it’s what I have come to learn.

Rock Stars get the option to be hammered for 20 years straight through and if they don’t manage to OD and die, they have some sort of epiphany and take up rehab to find health once more.

Nicole Wells gets the option to stop shooting up sourdough bread after 20 some years of dabbling in forbidden foods, and she then gets to turn her life around by adding more veggies and cutting junk to possibly become healthy once more.

__________  got hit with hepatitis at the age of 40 after many years of alcohol abuse.

Nicole Wells got hit with Graves Disease at the age of 28 for no good fucking reason, and this is not counting the years leading up to full blown symptoms.

However, Rock Stars and I do have one thing in common….

My liver resembled theirs when I was on PTU.  That’s all.

While all of this isn’t fair, this is the way it always has been, and even I don’t care to see it change.  All I can do is work with the unfairness of life and just balance my own personal demons and drama to suit my path.  It’s all any single one of us can do, otherwise, we’ll go insane and scream at the clouds.

Or, we can tempt the Gods and start a rock band…see if we become immortal then.

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8 Responses to “Fat Thigh-roid Woes: Inequality is the Spice of Life”

  1. Amanda says:

    Can I play tambourine? If so, I am in. I probably can’t join in on the heroin and booze, so I will drive the van…. really slow, in the breakdown lane.


    Graves Disease for no fucking good reason. It is worse than a brain fried on drugs.


    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Amanda,

      You can play whatever you want, and drive the van like a drunk lady while sober – I’ll gladly hand you the keys.



  2. cakes says:

    After 25 years of fighting the “good cancer” I am weeping to find someone who feels the same way I do. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for posting this.

  3. Count me in! My specialties are blowing in a jug and scrubbing a washboard. Different type of percussions : )
    You are so correct, finding the balance in all the unfairness in order to keep some amount of sanity.

    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Lisa,

      We’re going to have one amazing band put together when all is said and done. Best of luck with continuing to find balance in the thyroid shit storm!



  4. Melissa Travis says:

    Crazy child! I love this! It is always astounding to me the abuse the human body can take and still be amazing… the haunting the human mind can be and still make art… and yet – those of us who are Living life as healthy as we CAN because life handed us some shit- we are dancing across the page as amazing as any artist because we dare to live brave and beautiful. WE DARE TO LIVE OUT LOUD.

    No one writes songs about our courage.


    • Nicole Wells says:

      Dear Melissa,

      I could not have put it as eloquently as you just did – my tone is just too brash! I love that out of all of this disease shit, we find our tone by living life completely OUT LOUD and as honest as possible.



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